Why Pride Can Never Lose It's Protest History

Gabriel Fernandez, 8 years old

Ronnie Parris, 3 years old

Anthony Avalos, 10 years old

Giovanni Melton, 14 years old

Itaberli Lozano, 17 years old

Alireza “Ali” Fazeli Monfared, 20 years old

Amir Issa, 38 years old

And every single other LGBTQ+ child who has been brutally murdered by their own family, either for their sexuality or perceived sexuality. 

Leelah Alcorn, 17 years old

Jamel Myles, 9 years old

Justin Aaberg, 15 years old

Andrew Leach, 12 years old

Jadin Bell, 15 years old

Nigel Shelby, 15 years old

Channing Smith, 16 years old

Tyler Clementi, 18 years old

Avinshu Patel, 19 years old

And every single other LGBTQ+ child who has taken their own life due to bullying and self hatred instilled by our cishet culture. 

Matthew Sheppard, 21 years old

Charles Howard, 23 years old

Reecey Walker, 32 years old

David P., 42 years old

Sophie Váquez, 36 years old

Harvey Milk, 48 years old

Brandon Teena, 21 years old

Scott Johnson, 27 years old

Billy Jack Gaither, 39 years old

Bree Black, 27 years old 

And every other LGBTQ+ person who has been brutally killed for living their life.

For every LGBTQ+ child who has died on the streets, scared and alone. For every one of our youth who had to turn to selling their bodies to eat, who got hooked on drugs to numb the pain, who was beaten by a John, or died from hunger or disease, while laying in an alley.

The countless LGBTQ+ lives we have lost, both famous and not, during the early years of the HIV/AIDS crisis, as our government sat back and watched us die. For the countless LGBTQ+ lives we have lost since then to this virus, who are continously let down, time and time again.

As long as we are dying, Pride can never be allowed to be just a party. It has to remain a protest movement, or we will have let them defeat us.

I Have Something to Tell You by Chasten Buttigieg

 

If you even remotely paid attention to me on Facebook, you would know who my favorite candidate was during the Democratic primaries. Going into them, I actually had three favorites: Buttigieg, Castro, and Harris.  They were the three individuals that I had been paying attention to for years, and will always hold a lot of admiration for. In the beginning, the three of them were pretty much grouped together, with no real order of preference. For that matter, I would have been in heaven had anyone found a way to set up triumvirate government, with the three of them sharing power. 

As the primaries slogged on, Pete started to edge ahead of the other two. And by the time he dropped out, he was my first choice. I won't go into the policy issues that pushed me his way, though I could list quite a few, this just isn't the place to do that. Stylistically, he was also the one I was able to connect to the most.  Again, since this isn't the real point of this post, I'll skip over that as well.  Which leaves us with the deeply personal connection I felt to him and his campaign, and his husband, Chasten, had a lot to do with that.  

As a gay man, who struggled with acceptance as a kid, seeing an out man have a real chance at the White House, was something I never thought I would see in my lifetime.  Seeing my lived experience as a gay man, in someone who could easily be President of the Untied States, was nothing short of life affirming.  Getting to know him, as well as you can through the media and his own book, was something I would have loved to experience when I was younger.  The visibility and example he lives, gives our youth a glimpse of what it means when we say, It Gets Better.

The truly joyful part of Pete's campaign, was getting to see and "know" his husband, Chasten. If you have ever followed Chasten on social media, how he comes across there, is the same way he comes across in his memoir. His intelligence, loving heart, and wit are on full display. He doesn't pull punches, but he wraps them in both understanding and humility. He owns up to the mistakes he made, and seems to be someone who truly knows who he is. He comes across as humble, but with the understanding that he and his husband represent a sense of hopefulness for the future in terms of LGBTQ+ acceptance in a country that doesn't always feel welcoming, and oftentimes dangerous. 

When I first saw their Time magazine cover, with the words First Family, I cried. If I had seen that as a kid, it would have been everything to me, like seeing Norm on the first season of The Real World or watching the 1993 LGB March on Washington. I hope this book  an be that touchstone for some of today's youth, just looking to know they aren't alone. 

Let's Talk About Sex, Or At Least About Sexuality - Mainly Mine

 

Let's have a frank talk about sexuality.  I'm going to get personal,  and you will probably learn things about me that you really didn't want to know,  so if this isn't a conversation you want to be involved in, just skip this post.  I actually first posted this on my Facebook page, so if you already read it there, I apologize for subjecting it to you twice. Actually I don't, but I thought I should say that.

I identify as a gay man.

Prepubescent Ryan, had more crushes on boys, than on girls. I do think those kind of crushes have more to do with personality, than gender at that stage in our lives. I would try to catch glimpses of men's dicks in public bathrooms. I did steal a pack of topless women playing cards once, though the glimpses of Playgirl magazines were more interesting to me.  

Once I hit puberty, men are all that I paid attention to. I wanted to lick, suck, fuck, touch, and play with every inch of a man's body. I had a lot of sex, with a lot of men. The number of men should be embarrassing, hence the reason I won't put it out there, but I'm not ashamed of it. It is what it was. Do I wish I had met THE ONE? Absolutely. But even if I had, which that is for me to know and you to never find out, it wouldn't have mattered. I was too damn immature, and frankly enjoying the attention too much, to not fuck it up.  That is another post though, I'm not ready to get into my body image and self-esteem issues right now. 

The sweaty sex that can last all night, is not the only reason I identify as a gay man. I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attracted to cismen, at least so far. At 44 years old, I've never been sexually attracted to a woman, nor had sex with one.  I've made out a few times, kissing and breast fondling, but that's it. The breast play never went underneath clothes, or involved nipples. Truthfully, the fact it even happened had more to do with alcohol and those specific situations, which also included other men, than any true attraction. It also never happened once my early clubbing days were over with.  To be even more truthful, I felt nothing. I may as well been brushing my teeth. 

As I've aged, while I still identify as a gay man, I've also come to identify as demisexual. And eventhough it may be hard to believe, given my dashing looks and ripped body (said with pure sarcasm), I've actually been celibate for almost 18 years now, by choice. I've gotten to the point where I have to be mentally and/or emotionally attracted to a guy first, before I truly find them physically attractive enough to want to get sweaty with them. Since I don't go out, or even make the attempt to meet guys in a situation where that can happen, I've been celibate. I can still look at a hot guy, and admire the scenery, but I have no desire to do any licking or sucking. Hence, why I also identify myself as demi. I still get off on porn, though it has more to do with the physical and endorphin release, than it does with actuall attraction.

The fact that I identify as a demi gay man, brings me to the point of this post. I tend to have random thoughts, like we all do, and while part of what I'm about to say is something I've always accepted about myself, the thought I had last night was completely new. It's also the aspect that I brought up in a conversation with Viki, that inspired this post. I accepted, years ago, the fact that just because I identify as a gay man, as a demi gay man, that doesn't mean it will always be that way. I'm comfortable with myself enough that if I ever do find myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically attracted to a woman, a transwoman, or a transman, I'm not going to hurt myself by not accepting that attraction. I'm not going to let how I currently identify, keep me from being happy. I don't think it's probable, but I know that it's possible. To reject that, makes absolutely no sense. 

My point is this, sexuality is not stagnant, at least not in the way I view it. It's already evolved for me, and I know it may evolve again. And while I think labels are important, for a myriad of reasons, I also think we can end up using them as barriers when we find ourselves reacting in ways that run counterintuitive to those labels. I personally choose to use labels, for both personal and political reasons, and I probably always will. I'm starting to wonder if I should, could, or even can start using a different label. I'm not sure I can call myself pan, just because I acknowledge the idea that I could find myself attracted to someone who is not a cisman, while never actually experiencing attraction to anyone else. Nor do I necessarily feel a need to right now, but it's something I've at least thought about. Even if it was just once.

Dakota Bell and the Wastes of Time by Brian Olsen

Synopsis From Publisher: 

Dakota Bell had a difficult summer - her boss turned evil, her roommates took off, and her girlfriend wanted a break. She hoped her birthday might turn things around, but the gang of identical gunmen crashing the party had other ideas. Dakota and her friends flee for their lives through a mysterious portal, leaving them stranded in their own childhoods. She'll need to save the past before she can save the future, but the present holds dangers all its own. A madman hunts her across the years, monsters wait for her beneath the earth, and Dakota's out of time...

It seems like it's been decades since I read the first three books in this series, but it's only been about a year, so I'm not feeling too guilty.  What I am feeling is annoyed that I didn't get to this one sooner. I got it at the same time I got the previous two books, but for whatever reason I got distracted, and forgot about it. And before I get started on the review, I have to say how much I love this title and the way it not only plays with word meanings, but with the actual concept of time as well. Frickin brilliant.

Like the first three books, this is a mashup of fantasy, science fiction, horror, and social commentary. This time it's blended together into a hilariously violent game of cat and mouse played through space and time. Of course you can't have time travel without paradoxes coming into play, and I like the simplistic approach the author took. If a paradox occures, the universe manufactures whatever it needs to keep it from destroying the time line. 

Character wise, I'm in love with this cast of characters even more than I was in the beginning. They all get their moments to shine, even though this book centers around Dakota. Alan is still my favorite. What he goes through in this book, makes what happened to him in the first book look like child's play. Whether it's having to confront a truly horrific episode from the past, or having to deal with yet another issue of the heart, he rises above it, and shows a huge amount of maturity at the end. Caitlin is still Caitlin, and she has to deal with where her life is heading, and what she pictures the end goal to be. Mark makes the most selfish decision he could in this book, and I applaud him for it. I can't imagine having to face the choices he had to make, or the sacrifices he chose in order to save the world. Dakota has to deal with choices made in her childhood that were not only beyond her control, but about as paradoxical as can be. And that leaves us with the evil boss. I still adore him, I still understand where he was coming from, I'm heart broken at the betrayals he has had to contend with, but I stI'll think what he did is truly horrific. He made choices that are almost impossible to defend, even if his heart was in the right place. I wish he could have been saved or redeemed, and I still cringe when I think about his ultimate fate. Since this series played with science fiction constructs, maybe there will be a fifth book that serves as his path to salvation. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed.

Other Books in the Series:

Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom 
Caitlin Ross and the Commute from Hell 
Mark Park and the Flume of Destiny

Timing by Mary Calmes

Synopsis From Publisher:

Stefan Joss just can't win. Not only does he have to go to Texas in the middle of the summer to be the man of honor in his best friend Charlotte’s wedding, but he’s expected to negotiate a million-dollar business deal at the same time. Worst of all, he’s thrown for a loop when he arrives to see the one man Charlotte promised wouldn’t be there: her brother, Rand Holloway.

Stefan and Rand have been mortal enemies since the day they met, so Stefan is shocked when a temporary cease-fire sees the usual hostility replaced by instant chemistry. Though leery of the unexpected feelings, Stefan is swayed by a sincere revelation from Rand, and he decides to give Rand a chance.

But their budding romance is threatened when Stefan’s business deal goes wrong: the owner of the last ranch he needs to secure for the company is murdered. Stefan’s in for the surprise of his life as he finds himself in danger as well.

I do have to quickly mention that I'm not a huge fan of the cover, and it has since been re-released with a new own, but this is the cover I own, so I'm sticking with it. Truthfully, the cover could be a big black square, a blob of orange and purple paisley, or a picture of a root canal, and I would still read this book over and over again.

Mary Calmes is one of those authors that should be a household name, and if she wasn't writing m/m romance novels, she probably would be. She's that damn good. I've read, and reread multiple times, every book she has had published, and there isn't a weak one in the bunch. There is a soft lyrical quality to her writing, where not one single word is wasted or unneeded. But where she excel is in her characters. In Stefan and Rand, she achieved perfection.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't perfect, they have their flaws and annoying personality traits. There are things about them that would drive me up a wall, if not into the funny house, but that's okay. Their perfection lies the fact that they are some of the most concrete, four dimensional characters I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I'm including the side characters in this when I say the beauty of her characters is how "real" they feel. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a character acts in such a manner that feels unnatural to who they are. Even when it's a small issue, something so miniscule other readers may not even notice, it's enough to pull me out of a story. I've never had that issue with her books. Stefan, Rand, and all the rest, even when they surprise me, never act in a way that betrays who they are.

I adore Stefan and Rand. The tensions that surrounds them in the beginning is tangible, and it only builds as they truly get to know each other. They are the kind of people I would love to be friends with, but am under no illusions I'm worthy enough of their notice. Their relationship is organic, and beautiful to watch. It's the kind of story movies are made of, but since that won't be happening anytime soon, I'll just keep rereading their story instead, which does include two more books after this. Now I just need to find a man that talks the way Rand does.

And since I know you were curious, this is the new cover with Rand in all his glory.

Malice at the Palace by Rhys Bowen

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Caught between my high birth and empty purse, I am relieved to receive a new assignment from the queen. The king's youngest son, George, is to wed Princess Marina of Greece, and I shall be her companion, showing her the best of London - and dispelling any rumors about George's libertine history.

George is known for his many affairs with women as well as men - including the great songwriter Noel Coward. But things truly get complicated when one of his supposed mistresses is murdered.

The queen wants the whole murder hushed. But as the case unfolds - and my beau, Darcy, turns up in the most unlikely of places, as always- our investigation brings us precariously  close to the Prince himself.

It's with a heavy heart that I'm writing this review. I love Lady Georgiana. I've highlighted her in a Favorite Fictional Character post, and I truly want her to be happy with Darcy, but as of tonight, I'm doomed to never find out if that wish comes true. Malice at the Palace may be the ninth book in an ongoing series, but it's my last.

The one note side characters that have been annoying me for a while, actually improved in this book, but not by much. Queenie still needs to disappear for good, but Belinda won back some of my sympathy. Georgie's common grandfather, and her aristocratic brother and sister-in-law all made reappearances, and I was happy to see them.  They haven't been around much, so they hadn't been getting on my nerves. Darcy is still as dashing and charming as ever, and everytime he's on the scene, I grow just a tad bit jealous of Georgie for hooking him. Sadly, this isn't enough for me to continue with the series. Overall, her charcters are one note caricatures, and no improvement in this area is enough to make up for my real issue with this series.

I am absolutely done with the author's homophobic attitude. She treats gay and bisexual men as jokes. For nine frickin books I've been patiently dealing with it for Georgie's sake. I prayed that her treatment of them would improve, but it's only gotten worse. Every single gay or bisexual man is portrayed as either someone to pity, someone to scorn, the butt of a joke, a manipulator looking for a wife to hide his gayness behind, a money hungry twink, and now a full fledged murderer.  The poor guy is being blackmailed, so he decides to kill his oppressor, not that I blame him, but come on already. Naturally when Georgie stumbles upon the solution, he tries to take her out, but is summarily pushed down the stairs to his death, by ghosts of all things. I liked the guy, he was an interesting character, and we knew nothing about his sexuality until the end.  He didn't deserve the treatment he got.

The authors attitude almost seems pathological and deliberate in nature. Over the course of nine books, there is not a single gay or bisexual male character that breaks the mold I mentioned before. The author seems obsessed with gay and bisexual men, as they appear in every one of the nine books. But why are none of them not somehow portrayed in the manner I listed earlier. Of course I could be over thinking this. Maybe it's simply that she can't write characters, outside of Georgie and Darcy, that are more complicated than a paperdoll. Her other side characters are one dimensional stereotypes, so why should gay and bisexual men be any different.

Either way, I'm over it. I'm going to miss Georgie and Darcy, and I'm sad I'll never see them married.

The Haunting of Timber Manor by F.E. Feeley, Jr.

Synopsis From Publisher:

While recovering form the recent loss of his parents, Daniel Donnelly receives a phone call from his estranged aunt, who turns over control of the family fortune and estate, Timber Manor.  Though his father seemed guarded about his past, Daniel's need for family and curiosity compel him to visit. 

Located in a secluded area of the Northwest, Timber Manor has grown silent over the years.  Her halls sit empty and a thin layer of dust adorns the sheet-covered furniture.  When Daniel arrives to begin repairs, strange things happen.  Nightmares haunt his dreams.  Memories not his own disturb his waking hours.  Alive with the tragedies of the past, Timber Manor threatens to tear Daniel apart. 

Sheriff Hale Davis grew up working on the manor grounds.  Seeing Daniel struggle, he vows to protect the young man who captured his heart, and help him solve the mystery behind the haunting and confront the past - not only to save Daniel's life, but to save his family, whose very souls hang int he balance. 

You guys know I love a good Gothic, haunted house story.  There is nothing like getting lost in an house that plays with your head, forcing you to see things that aren't there, turning you into a blithering cry baby, huddled in the corner of the smallest closet you can find. Timber Manor is as devious and mind warping as Hill House, and almost as violent and blood thirsty as Belasco House.  It's a house full of the most damming family secrets.  They are the kind of secrets that slither through time, wrapping the present inhabitants in a shroud of despair and death.  It's the kind of house that I've always wanted to live in, but I've never been sure if I would have the spine needed to do so.

Daniel is one of those guys, that as soon as they appear on the page/screen, you instantly love them. He is the guy you want to root for, the guys you pray survives until the end of the movie.  In Hale, he finds the perfect partner, someone to love and watch over him, and the guy who will protect him from the buried past roaring back through time.

The author did a freaking fantastic job at framing his story, creating a fully realized world that wasn't hard to picture in my head. This is one of those books that I would do almost anything to see adapted to the big screen.  The entire time I was reading it, every single page appeared in celluloid glory in my head.  I'm pretty sure my wishes here won't ever be realized, but a boy could dream.

Murder Most Yowl by Quinn Dressler

Synopsis From Publisher:

Cat-sitting is a dangerous business.

Cameron Sherwood turned his back on law enforcement the night his investigation lead to the death of an innocent gay man.  Now Cam spends his time running a business that caters to his favorite animal, cats.  But when Cam stumbles upon the body of a friend while feeding her feline, he can't walk away.  Dealing with a sexy yet stubborn sheriff, a matchmaking sister, and a terrifying blind date, Cam must somehow track down a killer, all while keeping the cats around him fed with is gourmet cat treats. 

Let's be frank.  As much as I love a fiendishly plotted mystery, there are times I just want to read something that I don't have to think too much about.  I want there to be a mystery component, but I don't want to strain my little grey cells trying to figure out who the killer is.  I know that this is where you guys are going to start yelling at me, reminding me of my usual distaste of cozy mysteries, and you would have a valid point.  And I'm going to invite you to keep yelling at me after I say this next bit.  In my experience, most "mainstream" cozy mysteries are about as cookie cutter as you can get.  Half the time I can't tell you who the author is, because they all read the same.  The plotting, character development, and writing style all blend together, creating a very forgettable mess.  There are exceptions to that, and there are even a few authors I do enjoy, Rhys Bowen's series with Lady Georgina being one of them. For the most part though, I tend to have to go into the realms or romance to find the type of light, fluffy mystery I can get into, specifically m/m romance.  I'm sure there are some terrific m/f romance mysteries out there, but if I'm going to read romance, I want it to be relevant to my own life experiences.

And before I get yelled at anymore, I'm not saying all m/m romance mysteries are of the light and fluffy kind, because they aren't, not by a long shot.  I absolutely love the Life Lessons series by Kaje Harper, have been blown away by several Josh Lanyon books, and could name another twenty authors I've enjoyed who take a more detailed, plot driven approach to their mysteries.  But that's not the kind of mystery I felt like diving into when I picked Murder Most Yowl.  I wanted cotton candy, and I got it.

The mystery itself is barely structured, doesn't make a whole lot of sense by the time it's solved, and required me to suspend my disbelief on multiple occasions.  And I loved it.  It's has a quirky sense of humor that I found charming, and two leading men I found to be a blast to hang out with.  In Cam and Jake, I found two headstrong men that just seemed to fit together.  I can't imagine witnessing what Cam did when he was on the force, and come out sane.  I would have more than walked away from my career, I would have walked away from my life, and started over on some beach in Brazil where nobody knew me. In partnering with Jake to solve the murder, he is able to come back to himself a bit, which makes the love that develops between them that much sweeter. My one quibble with the romance is in the way the author broke the tension between them, which in turn allowed them to accept their feelings for each other.  The way it's handled was about as realistic as the mystery component, but strangely I'm okay with it.  When it comes to reading a romance, I don't want real life, I want fantasy.  If I wanted real life, I would read Ulysses by James Joyce, or some other tedious volume that nobody actually reads.

Mark Park and the Flume of Destiny by Brian Olsen

Synopsis From Publisher:

Mark Park is model-handsome and strong as an ox, but thinking has never been his strong suit.  When everyday machinery turns murderous, Mark will have to strain his brain to keep his friends and family safe.  An amusement park holds a deadly secret and his roommates are in for the rides of their lives, but Mark will have to venture alone into a whole new world, a world where all his strength is useless and only his underused intellect can save the day. Can Mark solve the mystery of the flume before the people he loves are lost to him forever?

I think most of you guys already know about my childhood years spent traveling with a carnival, so when I figured out that an amusement park is one of the star attractions of the book, I couldn't wait to dig in.  I had already read the two previous books, and I fell in love with the roommates and this weird mix of science fiction, urban fantasy, and horror.  The fact that the author has a twisted sense of humor that is evident on every single page, and I knew I would love this one just as much as I did the first two.  I was right.

Mark is one of those guys that can get any woman he wants, and he has, but it's not enough for him anymore.  The events over the last two books has Mark thinking towards the future, and he's tired of sleeping with random women, and not remembering their names the next day.  He's not sure what he wants out of a relationship, or even out of life, but he knows that what he's been doing, isn't working anymore.  It's with this confused outlook on life that Mark is forced to deal with yet another extensional threat to the human race.

This time around he, the rest of the roommates, and their friends, are facing another incarnation of the artificial intelligence born out of Amalgamated Synergy, except this time around "she" has a younger brother.  That's right, another company has spawned it's own mind controlling entity, and this time around he like makes machines do whatever he wants them to do.  Add in the mad scientist from the previous book who is intent on building doppelganger clones of the first mind controlling monster and a dead actress, and the roommates are in trouble.  They have to face a brain erasing carnival ride, a visit from Mark's multi-cultural family, explosions, a body count larger than the two previous books put together, out of control construction equipment, betrayals out the wazoo, and the lead human bad guy, that I'm still in love with, but just can't seem to get his act together.  I really do understand where he is coming from, and I feel so bad for the pain he goes through in this book, but what he's doing is wrong.  He's fighting fire with fire, and the fire he's using, can't be controlled.

But it's Mark that's the star of this show, and boy does he pull it off.  He tests himself in ways that I'm not sure he thought he would be able to pass.  I'm actually pretty sure he was expecting to fail this one.  He saves everyone else, and is ready to get lost in the shuffle, but he shows a strength of will that surprises everyone, himself included.  He comes out stronger for it, and he quickly became my favorite of the four roommates.
 
Other Books in the Series:

Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom
Caitlin Ross and the Commute from Hell

Caitlin Ross and the Commute from Hell by Brian Olsen

Synopsis From Publisher:

Caitlin Ross is on track to be the action star she's always wanted to be.  She's go the lead in a new play at a downtown theater, she's got a handsome, successful boyfriend, and she's picked up some killer new martial arts skills.  But after a missing teen reappears outside her theater, disfigured and violent, Caitlin finds that there's more to being a hero than just throwing punches.  When mysterious portals start hurling her friends around New York City and into danger, Caitlin will have to make the ultimate sacrifice to keep her loved ones safe.  If she survives long enough to discover the truth behind their teleporting tormentors, can Caitlin avoid the monstrous fate awaiting her in the theater's basement?

Where Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom, opened with a scene direct from a slasher movie, Caitlin Ross and the Commute from Hell, opens with a scene direct from the type of  science fiction horror movie that gave me nightmares as a kid.  I saw The Fly once as a kid, and I have yet to be able to sit down and watch it since.  Because of that movie, we all know what happens to someone when their body is transported from one container, into another container that contains another live body.  So you can imagine what happened to the kid mentioned in the synopsis, when the evil scientist kidnapped him, put him in a transporter type pod, and tried to transport him to another location, using a dog as the other test subject.  Here's the rub, in order to transport someone, you have to break them apart at the atomic level.  In order to recreate them, you have to have some sort of building blocks in place, otherwise the body can't be reconstructed.  It's a gruesome and bloody process, and the horrors of it are on full display, more than once.

There is a lot going on in this book, and once again the action is split between the four roommates.  They have tried to move on from the nightmares created by the artificial intelligence, Amysyn, that tried to kill them in the previous book.  They thought they had beaten her, but humans being the fallible creations that we are, a character you badly want to be a good guy, ends up resurrecting a part of it, in order to try and defeat other intelligences as they develop in the future.  He has his heart in the right place, but the actions he takes, in conjunction with the scientists he partnered with, do so much more harm than good.  One is an egomaniac, willing to sacrifice anyone in order to reach his goals.  The other, is a grieving mother who just wants her daughter back, a daughter who died as a result of her research.  Both of them are bat shit crazy, and blood thirsty in their attempts.  As a reader, you don't realize that he is responsible for all the pain and death that is inflicted in this book, and there is a lot of both, until the end.  And even then, you still want to like him.  The roommates still want to like him, and in many cases, they find that they can forgive him, if not totally trust him.

Between the wormholes opening up, hurtling subway cars to the ground, and old men into shark infested water, to the horrific consequences of the transportation machines, there is a ton of science run amok in this book.  Sometimes the "scientific" aspects of the book felt heavy at times, but the author, doesn't bog the action down with overly elaborate explanations or descriptions.  And while I know this is all science fiction, it fits so well into the world the author created, that none of it felt too far out there.

There are also a lot of new characters introduced, and others that are more fully developed in their second outing.  Certain side characters are turned into heroes, and characters you thought may stick around, end up being cowards, or dying in ways I wouldn't wish on those I dislike the most.  None of them are superfluous, as they all seem to enhance the action, rather than take away from it.

Overall this was a fast paced, humorously bloody and violent romp through New York City.  It was a terrific second book to the series, and it keeps strengthening the four roommates as individuals, and as a team.  I can't wait to read the third and fourth books now.

One Day, What Happened In Orlando, Will Never Happen Again

I've been trying to get a review written for a little over 2 hours now, and no matter how many times I get it started, neither my brain, nor my heart is really in it tonight. Every time I blink, every time I let my mind wander, even for second, the images of the early morning attack in Orlando, FL is all I can see.  What has now been determined to be the largest mass shooting in United States history, has taken fifty lives, with countless others still fighting to stay alive.  It has claimed brothers and sons, mothers and fathers, husbands and lovers.  It has robbed the LGBT community in Orlando of a place they thought would be safe.  I has robbed the national LGBT community of our collective sense of safety.

The man who did this, and at this point in time, I could really care less what his motivations were, was a monster.  I know some want to jump up and down and scream it was Islamic extremism rearing it's head, and if that's the talking point you need to spout, go for it.  I won't name the shooter here, because I think he is getting enough attention already, but from what I'm reading, this guy sounds like a unstable, homophobic bastard who decided it was his place to teach us a lesson. Whether his motivation was religion, hate, or a combination of the two, it doesn't change the results of his actions.  Fifty people are dead.  Fifty people will not be able to go home ever again.  Families are left grieving as they read texts sent to them from inside the club, as their loved ones were dying.  Communities are left reeling, and it will be a long time before many will really feel safe again.

This isn't new though.  The LGBT community has had a target on our backs for far longer than any of us really care to think about.  This guy is no different from Eric Rudolph who bombed an Atlanta gay bar in the 1990s.  He's no different from the folks at Westboro Baptist Church, who called this shooting a righteous act of God.  He's not different than the arsonist who killed 32 people in a New Orleans club in 1973. He's no different than Scott Esk, the Oklahoma politician who, in 2014, called for the stoning of gay men and women.  He is no different from Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, the two men who beat Matthew Sheppard, before tying him to a fence post to die.  He's no different than the regime that sent gay men and women into gas chambers during WWII.  He is no different than those who sent gay men and women into asylums, to be experimented on like guinea pigs. He is no different from the doctors who used electrocution, chemical castration, and lobotomies to try and cure us. He's no different than the American "Christian" organizations that helped pass the death penalty for gay people in a few African countries. He is no different from the monsters in the Middle East, and elsewhere, who are willing to use religion to take the lives of gay teenagers.  He is no different from the parents who kick their gay children out of their home, and force them to fend for themselves on the streets.  He's no different from every other person who has beaten, spat upon, or killed someone simply for being gay.  He's no different from every other person who sees us, and our relationships, as worth less then themselves.

One day, this won't be an issue.  One day, we will be able to live our lives without worrying that we could lose our families, or our lives, by being true to ourselves.  One day, coming out won't be a term anyone remembers.  One day, we will be able to go out in public and not worry about being attacked if we show even a little bit of affection to our partner.  That one day, needs to get here soon.

Frog by Mary Calmes

Synopsis From Publisher:

Weber Yates's dreams of stardom are about to be reduced to a ranch hand's job in Texas, and his one relationship is with a guy so far out of his league he might as well be on the moon.  Or at least in San Francisco, where Weber stops to see him one last time before settling down to the humble, lonely life he figures a frog like him has coming. 

Cyrus Benning is a successful neurosurgeon, so details are never lost on him.  He spotted the prince in a broken-down bull rider's clothing from day one.  But watching Weber walk out on him keeps getting harder, and he's not sure how much more his heart can take.  Now Cyrus has one last chance to prove to Weber that it's not Weber's job that makes him Cyrus's perfect man, it's Weber himself.   With the help of his sisters' newly broken family, eh's ready to show Weber that the home the man' been searching for has always been right there, with him.  Cyrus might have laid down an ultimatum once, but now it's turned into a vow - he's never going to let Weber out of his life again. 

Every once in a while, you come across a book that makes you feel as if you are wrapped in a warm cozy sweater on a harsh winter day, lounging on a couch as you drink hot cocoa, safe and secure from the storm raging outside.  They are books filled with characters that make you feel right at home, surrounded by your nearest and dearest, enveloped by the love that only they can give you.  They are the books you escape into when you need to pretend the outside world no longer exists, that the fantasy playing out on the page is more real than what's outside your front door.  From the first time I read Frog by Mary Calmes, I knew that it would become one of those books for me.  After a half dozen or so readings, it just keeps getting better.

A large part of my love for this book revolves around the way the author writes.  It's in the way she structures her scenes, builds the world her characters inhabit, and in the loving way she brings her characters to life.  This is an author, and I've read quite a few of her books by now, that loves her characters as much as the reader does.  It shows in their personalities and in the way they interact with each other.  It shows in the way they think for themselves, and in the growth they develop.  They are fully formed, four dimensional characters.  They are characters that have a past, present, and future.  They are people that you not only want to be around, but they are men that you want to be.

Weber and Cyrus are perfect examples of what I'm talking about.  Weber is about as perfect of a man as I've come across in all the fiction that I have read.  He is kind, considerate, fearless, loving, gentle, caring, affectionate, comfortable in his own skin, and kids & animals adore him.  He should come across as a stock character, barely discernible from every other romantic lead out there, but he doesn't.  He shines instead.  He is his own unique self, struggling to accept the idea that the man everyone else sees, is not the man he thinks he is.  Weber is that perfect man, who has no clue of his worth to those around him.  He is a man who lost both parents at en early age, then lost the brother who raised him to a war nobody should have been fighting.  He is a man who sees himself in one light, and has come to peace with his version of reality, but doesn't seem to fathom that he is so much more than that.  Through the course of this book, and I leave the details on the how out, he comes to accept that not only is he worthy of loving someone, of building a life with someone, but that he is worthy of that love and that life.

Cyrus is pretty damn perfect too, except that man that Weber knows, is not the man that anyone else seems to know.  Cyrus is that guy who has been responsible his whole life, serious at work and at home.  It's only with Weber that Cyrus really seems to embrace all that life has to offer, and not just the success granted by working hard playing smart.  Where with everyone else, including his family, he's loving but distant, with Weber he has no walls, he is the man he is supposed to be, not the man he is expected to be.  What both men need to accept, and they do by the end, is that regardless of who they think they are, they are so much more than that.  They both learn to see themselves the way others do, and by embracing that reality, they are able to move forward together.

Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom by Brian Olsen

Synopsis From Publisher:

Alan Lennox has been assigned yet another soul-crushing temp job, keeping him from his first loves - drinking, playing video games, and looking for a boyfriend.  But Alan's new job proves to be anything but boring when his co-workers start turning up dead.  The mysterious megacorporation Amalgamated Synergy has taken a deadly interest in Alan and his three roommates, and the hapless quartet are woefully unequipped to deal with the psychotic secretaries, murderous middle managers, and villainous vice-presidents hunting them down.  Their investigation leads them deep into Amalgamated Synergy's headquarters, but can Alan and his friends stay alive long enough to discover who - or what - waits for them on the top floor?

Picking a book, totally on a whim, can have it's drawbacks.  Often times, especially if it's a book you haven't really heard of before, a synopsis can sound promising, but the book itself leaves you cold.  You end up kicking yourself in the ass for even giving it a try, and swear with your last breath, you will never be so reckless is choosing your next read.

Then there are those rare times that the whim pays off, and pays off in spades.  I'm not even sure how I ended up spotting Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom, but it's not something I would normally give a second glance to.  I've had mixed results with urban fantasy, so I tend to stay clear of it, unless it's series or author I'm already familiar with.  There was something about this cover, and yes, I'm going to blame the cover, that just grabbed me.  It also helps that the book was free at the time, so I figured what the hell, it won't be like I'm out any money.  So I downloaded the book, started to read, and didn't put it down until I flicked past the last page.

The book opens with a classic horror scene.  A single, lonely individual, stuck at work in her Tokyo office building, long past the time when her coworkers have left for the day, is staring at her computer screen.  Naturally she's not working, rather playing a game that simulates working at an office job.  What's better than being an office drone, than playing a game as an office drone?  When she finally shuts off the computer, ready to go home, she is startled to see the reflection of her manager in the dark screen.  Next thing she knows, she is being chased through the building by her murderous boss with a baseball bat, and I'm pretty sure you can figure out the rest.  From Tokyo, the scene shifts to New York City, where the rest of the action takes place.

Alan, the hero of this book, has just stormed out of another boring temp job, and insists on meeting his roommates for a drink at their favorite lesbian bar.  This scene sets up the group dynamic, though we have already met them separately.  Dakota Bell is the ambitious girl, plugging away at her first job out of college, working for Amalgamated Synergy.  She's been there for months, but has never been given a task to do.  Mark Park is a personal trainer, more concerned with picking up women and setting up Alan with a hot client, than he is anything else.  By the way, Amalgamated Synergy is at work in his life too.  The gym he works at is owned by them, the hot chick he picks up is a VP for the company, and the client he sets Alan up with, is lawyer involved in a lawsuit on behalf of a certain game developer.  You know, the game the office drone in Tokyo was playing, right before her brains were bashed in, the game every single character in this book is playing.  Then there is Caitlin Ross, the struggling actress, hellbent on finding the next big gig.  She gets suckered into working for Amalgamated too, as a voice actress.  No reason is given, the director of the shoot has not clue why they are doing it, neither does the corporate exec who shows up to supervise.  And that's sets the scene, though I'm leaving a whole bunch of details out.

What follows is a hilariously gruesome, workplace killing spree.  It takes a satirical look at the modern workplace, poking fun at the size of global corporations, and the hive like mentality they instill in their employees.  Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom, also plays with the precepts of horror, fantasy, and science fiction.  It blends the genres together, breaking all the rules, and has a ton of fun at the same time.  In that regard, it reminds me of Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix, poking fun at not only modern society, but the genre(s) the book is being written in.

I'm hoping the remaining three books of the series, each one features a roommate as the main character, are half as good as this one.  From what I can tell, though the nightmarish situations change, each book will find the roommates fighting for their lives, surrounded by satire and gore.  I can't wait to dive into them.  This was definitely a whim that paid off.

The Children's Home by Charles Lambert

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

In a sprawling estate, willfully secluded, lives Morgan Fletcher, the disfigured heir to a fortune of mysterious origins.  Morgan spends his days in quiet study, avoiding his reflection in mirrors and the lake at the end of his gardens.  One day, two children, Moira and David, appear.  Morgan takes them in, giving them free reign of the mansion he shares with this housekeeper, Engel.  Then more children begin to show up. 

Dr. Crane, the town physician and Morgan's lone tether to the outside world, is as taken with the children as Morgan is, and beings to spend more time in Morgan's library.  But the children behave strangely.  They show a prescient understand of Morgan's past, and their bizarre discoveries int he mansion's attics grow increasingly disturbing.  Every day the children disappear into the hidden rooms of the estate, and perhaps, into the hidden corners of Morgan's mind.

Every once in a while I come across a book that is almost impossible to review, not because it's horribly written or boring to read, but because it defies description.  The Children's Home is one of those books that no genre label is really going to fit.  There are elements of horror, fairy tale, fantasy, and science fiction.  Throw in generous helpings of the Gothic and psychological, and you may be able to grasp the sort of book this is.  I'm going to assume, if you were to look for this in your neighborhood bookstore, it would be shelved under the generic Fiction label.  At least that's where I hope you find it after you read this review, and take a car trip to get your own copy.

My reaction to this one, is as close to my reaction to Gillespie and I by Jane Harris, as I've had since then.  I'm gong to simply tell you guys to read this book, pray that you do, and give a big "I told you so", once you do it.  But if I'm expecting you guys to just do what I say, maybe I should try to get across why I loved this one as much as I did.

In Morgan, we are given a narrator who is both deeply flawed, and extremely likable. Morgan is one of those characters that I could easily see myself spending time with, holed up in his mansion, floating from conversation to conversation.  He has a painful family past, and no true familial relationships to ground him.  He is a passive participant in life, though I'm not always sure of that, as glimpses of a "real" Morgan do appear from time to time.  At first, he lives alone, except for some nameless staff, on this massive estate, closed off from the outside world.  In a very Shirley Jackson style way, we are given to know that maybe this is for the best, and that outside those walls, society is falling apart and isn't a place anyone in their right mind would want to be.  His household grows with the inclusion of his housekeeper Engel, who is definitely not all she is purporting to be.  And then the children start to arrive.  And that's when the Shirley Jackson aspects of this book, really start to kick in.

As the reader, you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that something is definitely off about the whole thing.  The children range in age from newborn to early teens, and they just show up.  Some appear on the doorstep, others emerge from the lake, and some just appear out of thin air. You are really never sure, including after the bizarre ending, who these kids are, or where they are coming from.  Are they the ghosts of kids sacrificed for the family fortune? Are they time travelers from the past and future, trying to prevent an even more heinous outcome? Are they from another reality all together, trying to save some aspects of this one?  Regardless of who they are, or where they come from, the bigger question is why are they there.  After the ending at the factory, it's safe to say we know the answer to that, but I'm not totally convinced.  There is an almost dreamlike quality to the scene, I'm not sure if Morgan, Dr. Crane, or I as a reader, can truly trust everything that happened.

With any good Gothic story, there needs to be an element of romance, and we have that with Morgan and Dr. Crane.  The author does a terrific job of navigating their relationship; keeping it on the purely platonic level, but allowing a reader to infer what is really going on between them.  As with the rest of this book, their relationship is open to interpretation.  I can almost bet, 50 of my friends could read this one, and not pick up anything of a romantic nature between the two characters, but it's all I noticed when they were together.  Maybe it's because, after all he's been through, and after the children leave, I want Morgan to have a solid future.  It doesn't have to be a blissfully happy life, but I need for him to be on solid ground, sure of his place and of those in his life.

Final Admission by Sue Brown

Synopsis From Publisher:

When Ethan Williams lands a job at Bingwell, Brock and Bacon, he realizes his coworkers aren't exaggerating about James Trenchard.  He really is a dick.  But after Ethan is forced to work closely with James, he realizes there's more to the lawyer than meets the eye. 

Vibrant Ethan is a desperate reason to live again as James endures silent guilt and abuse from his husband after an accident.  He calls Ethan for help after a beating, and stolen moments soon become the norm, but they can't hide forever. 

Ethan's coworkers think he got his promotion because James is sweet on him, James is still being beaten despite his family's concern, and the situation is swiftly becoming intolerable.  Ethan and James need to find a way out of the cycle that's hurting them both before their brand new loves suffers a well. 

I'll be the first to admit, that when I first started reading m/m romance novels a few years ago, I wasn't expecting much from them.  I had hoped I would be entertained by the stories, and at the least, be able to get lost in the romance unfolding on the page.  I wasn't even all that concerned about the hotness of the sex scenes, as most of the time, I tend to just skim through them.  I just wanted a few hours of mindless entertainment, and in a few cases, that's what I've gotten.  More often than not though, I have discovered some of the best written fiction out there, and it's not mindless.  So much of it explores themes I wasn't expecting in romance; abuse, drug addiction, mental illness, and a myriad of other subjects.  My eyes were first opened to what this genre can be when I first read The Tin Box by Kim Fielding.  As I've discovered additional authors, I've run across books that keeps opening my eyes, ones of those is Final Admission by Sue Brown

This isn't my first go around with this book, I've actually read it twice before, but because of some of the themes it explores, I was never ready to review it.  Truthfully, I'm still not sure my brain is fully on board, so I'm not totally sure if this is really going to be a review, as much as a rambling narrative of what this book made me think about, and how I reacted to it.  So I apologize if this post goes off on too many tangents, or ends up being incoherent.

Many of you guys know that I grew up in a rather abusive home.  I've hinted at it in different reviews and in explanations for different Favorite Fictional Character posts.  I've even let you guys in on the ongoing, internal conversation I have with myself as I try to figure out a way to let go of the pain of not only what my father did, but in the way I lost him.  Physically abusive relationships have always been a trigger for me in my reading, and viewing for that matter.  What I've never let you guys in on, is that for a brief moment in time, I found myself in an abusive relationship as well.

Much like James in Final Admission, I'm not a small guy, nor am I a pushover.  I'm pretty determined in what I want, and normally have no issue standing up for myself, at least that's the adult version of who I am.  Between 2000 and 2002, I was dating and living with a guy, that while I was never truly in love with him, I was never truly unhappy either.  He was actually a lot of fun when we first started dating, but once we moved in together it changed. He would disappear for hours at time, sometimes until 5 or 6 in the morning.  It was always, he was with a cousin, or in the prayer chapel at church, and I was dumb for not believing him.  Needless to say, after almost a year of that, I went out with friends, and met a hot guy in the Air Force.  Stupidly, I went home with him.  In my mind, I was ending the relationship I was in, and I was ready for it.

When I got home that morning, I was met with a fist.  Growing up in the home I was in, I always told myself I would never let that happen to me, but when you are confronted with it yourself, it's a different story altogether.  This was not the first time I had a guy hit, or try and choke me, but that first time, I didn't feel as if I deserved it, so I got rid of him quick, and never looked back. But this time I froze, and while I won't drag you through all the details, it continued in this fashion for six months. A part of me felt as if I deserved it, as if I brought it on myself, and in that regard, I can understand some of what James was going through.  Where James was feeling guilty for coming through the accident unscathed, when his husband not only had physical trauma, but brain damage as well, I blamed my actions for the way I was being treated.  I brought it on myself for going home with someone else, even though my relationship had been dead for a while.  What I didn't realize is that the emotional neglect, and I can say the emotional abuse, I had been living with for the prior year, conditioned me for the physical abuse that came later.

I never had to deal with the level of abuse James, or even my mom went through, so I know it could have been worse.  And I did eventually start fighting back, something James never felt he could do, as the guilt was too thick.  Where I'm a bit jealous of James, is in his relationship with Ethan. When he meets Ethan, a small part of him grabs the hope he represents. In Ethan, James, who has given up on being happy, and living to a degree, realizes that there is something else out there, another path to chose.  It's not smooth sailing for them by any stretch of the imagination, and I can't imagine what Ethan was mentally going through, but the hope they instill in each other is beautiful to see unfold on the page.

It's actually something I have yet to allow myself to have.  I have been completely single since 2002. I always want to blame my lack of time, my work schedule, or lack of interest, but it's really more about fear.  It's not just a fear of putting myself out there again, it's a fear of what's behind the veneer, once it's wiped away.  Everyone James works with, except for his cousin and his boss, thinks he has the perfect relationship with his husband.  Yes he's a flirt, who enjoys the attention he gets from others, though he normally keeps it's to the girls, but everyone thinks he's truly happy in his marriage. I don't know if his husband was a controlling dick before the relationship, and the brain damage took it to a whole other, horrible level, or if the accident completely changed his personality.  When your husband is trying to kill you, does it even matter.  I'm not sure, given my family and personal history, when I'm going to be ready to take that risk again.  I'm not sure you can ever truly know what another person is capable of, or of who they truly are.  It's that uncertainty I have to let go of, and I have James as a role model to follow.  And yes I know this is fiction, that James and Ethan aren't real people, but seeing a path forward, even a fictional one, is enough to give me hope that I'll be ready someday.

On the short review side of things, please don't think this is a dark or depressing book, because it's not. Yes, it does have some darker moments, but remember, this is a romance novel.  In Ethan and James, you have two men who are drawn together, who truly do end up loving each other.  I won't get into all the details, because I want you guys to read the story for yourselves, but it's a gorgeously written love story.  There are a few hiccups along the way, other than those dealing with James' husband, and while I don't think I would have handled the separation in the way Ethan did, I get the reasons behind it.  The nature of an office romance is well fleshed out, and the ending scene is brilliantly staged.  This is a love story with hope at it's core, and it's one I know I'll end up reading a few more times.

The Thief of Always by Clive Barker

Ten year old Harvey Swick is as bored as only a kid can get.  The dullness of February is eating at him, and he doesn't know what to do. Whether it's school or home, Harvey is bored beyond belief and nothing anyone can do, can make it better. Or so he though.

When a strange looking man, going by the name of Rictus, appears at his window, promising to fulfill his wish for fun, he jumps at the chance.  Rictus takes him to Holiday House, where all four seasons take place in a day; and Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all happen within 24 hours.  It's a place where dreams come true, every gift is available, and everyone is just a tad bit creepy.

If Harvey was just a little older, and wiser for that matter, he may have realized that if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't, and that everything has a price.  The question is, will Harvey be able to figure that out before it's too late. 

I've talked about this before, but one of the worst aspects of book blogging has been my inability to go back, and reread some of my favorite books. Preblogging days, there were books I would read at least once a year, never getting tired of them.  The characters were long term friends, and getting another chance to delve into their worlds, was like a homecoming for me.  The Thief of Always by Clive Barker has been one of those books for me for a very long time, and it's one that I've sadly neglected since I've started blogging.

Don't get me wrong, it's not one I've forgotten about.  It's actually appeared on the blog twice now. The first time was in 2012, when I chose to examine the main villain of the piece, Mr. Hood, as part of my Favorite Fictional Characters feature.  One day, young Harvey Swick will be joining him in that feature.  The second time was in a post I did last year, where I looked at how some of my ex-boyfriends have influenced my reading.

When I decided to come back to blogging, I made a promise to myself, that I was gong to start rereading some of my favorites.  And this was the first one I felt I needed to pick back up.  Being able to escape along with Harvey to Holiday House once gain, was so much fun.  I reveled in his playing, lazing in the hot summer sun, dressing up for Halloween, gorging on all his favorite foods, and opening his Christmas presents.  I felt his desire to get lost and embrace the culture that Holiday House seemed to offer.  I shared in his growing sense of distrust, as he realized that things weren't quite as good as they seemed.  My heart broke, along with his, when he realized the full price he has to pay for his freedom.  And I cheered for him as he fought back against Mr. Hood, to reclaim his life, and the lives of so many others.

Prince Lestat by Anne Rice

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Old vampires, roused from deep slumber in the earth, are doing the bidding of a Voice commanding that they indiscriminately burn their kin in cities across the globe, from Paris to Mumbai, Hong Kong to San Francisco.  Left with little time to spare, a host of familiar characters, including Louis de Pointe du Lac, Armand, and even the vampire Lestat, must embark on a journey to discover who - or what - is driving his mysterious being. 

Right from the get-go, I'm going to say exactly what I thought of this one.  I'm not in love with the book itself, but I'm once again in love with Lestat.  I can't rightly remember the last time I picked up any of the Vampire Chronicles books, though I know it was before I started blogging, as I felt myself losing interest in them long ago.  For whatever reason, I picked this one up from the store, Target to be specific, and once I finally got started on it, I was hard pressed to put it down.

I found myself getting lost in the character of Lestat, a character I fell in love with at an early age.  There were a few books, Memnoch the Devil comes to mind, where while I didn't care for the plot all that much, the character kept me engaged and reading.  With Prince Lestat, a book I never though would even be written, that love came back tenfold, and the storytelling, while not on par with the first few books in the series, seems to have returned some of the luster to the series, at least for me. At times it felt a bit jumbled, and a ton of new characters were introduced, but none of it seemed to bog down the story.  It was nice to see the return of some of my favorite characters like Gabrielle and Daniel, and catch up on some of the smaller characters from the series, like Flavius and Bianca.

The author, who has always been good at characterization, has given me new character to love, though none will hold a place in my heart the way Lestat and Louis do.  A previously unnamed character, Antoine, may be up there for me now, but I would want to see more of him.

If another Vampire Chronicles book is forthcoming, I know I will be quicker to read it now that I'm back under Lestat's spell.

Calvin's Cowboy by Drew Hunt

Synopsis From Publisher:

Calvin Hamilton reluctantly returns to his home town of Parrish Creek, Texas, to sell his parents house.  Finding the place in need of repair he hires John "Brock" Brockwell to renovate the house before putting it on the market.  Brock bares a passing resemblance to Gary Cooper, especially as he often wears western clothing.  Calvin has always had a weakness for cowboys. 

Time has reversed the two men's fortunes.  In high school Brock was the big man on campus, his popularity allowing him to hide his true nature.  Calvin was a nerd, bullied by most of the jocks for being perceived as gay. Now Calvin is a successful New York advertising executive, and Brock is a divorced father with a teenage son who faces financial ruin, unable to pay his late father's hospital bills. 

Can Calvin put past bitterness behind him and help the cowboy with who he is rapidly falling in love?  Will the deeply closeted Brock be able to admit he has feelings for Calvin?  Or will pride, fear, distance, and the past prevent them from building a future together? 

A few days ago there seemed to be another twitter storm brewing over HEAs in romance novels, for any of you who doesn't get the acronym, it stand for Happily Ever After.  I'm not sure what prompted the kerfuffle, but it's a ridiculous argument.  Apparently there are some who think a HEA is not needed in a romance novel.  Granted, I'm fairly new to the whole romance game, but I don't get the idea of romance without a HEA.   Why else would I allow myself to get suckered into the story, if it wasn't to see the main characters, after all the strife they've gone though, grab the brass ring at the end.  They need the HEA.  Hell, for that matter, I need them to have a HEA.  How else will I ever believe that there is one out there for me someday?

Everything I just wrote, was to allow me to comment on the last paragraph of the synopsis.  And it's just not a comment on this synopsis, but on the whole concept of publisher synopses to begin with.  The language, in general, is so hyperbolic.  I get that they are trying to grab a readers attention, to make them buy a book in order to figure out the outcome, but give me a break.  This is a romance novel, of course they work it out in the end.   And speaking of this synopsis, Brock is not deeply in the closet.  Is he out to the general public, no, but both his ex-wife and son are in the know.

This was one of the first romance novels I read, and one of the first to get me hooked on the whole cowboy theme in romance novels.  I don't think I really had a thing for cowboys before, but after almost two years into my romance education, I'm hooked.  There is something about a hot guy in tight denim, carrying himself with honor, and taking care of his loved ones before all else.  And Brock is one of the best of them.  He doesn't live on a ranch, he doesn't ride a horse, but he is all cowboy.  He has sacrificed himself, and his needs, in order to be what he needed to be for his dad, and for his son.  He's taken a beating for it, and when we meet him, he has some deep wounds, but like all cowboys, he refuses to give up, and he does what needs to be done to take care of his responsibilities.  He's that guy you are rooting for as soon as you meet him.  He's also the guy you want to take home to meet your family.

When he meets Calvin, and Calvin is a whirlwind, he isn't quite sure what to make of it.  Here is this guy, that he's quickly falling for, offering him a way out.  But in Brock's mind, he's the cowboy, he's the one that is supposed to come riding to the rescue, not be the one getting pulled up onto the horse, thus avoiding the stampeding buffalo.  So it takes a while, just a little bit of time, for him to trust that Calvin will be there to catch him, to trust Calvin enough that being vulnerable in front of him, admitting that he needs help, won't emasculate him.  But once he does, once he excepts what's being offered, not only for himself, but for his son, he claims what's his.  It's a perfect HEA, and only an idiot would think it should have worked out any other way.

Learning Curve By Kaje Harper

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Mac is afraid he'll never recover enough to go back to being a cop, while Tony is afraid he will.

Three months after being shot, Detective Jared MacLean is healing, but he's afraid it may not be enough to go back on the job.  He won't give up, though.  Being a cop is written deep in Mac's bones, and he'll do whatever it takes to carry his badge again.  Tony used to wish he could have Mac safely home, but watching his strong husband battle disabilities is farm from Tony's dream come true. When Mac is asked to consult on a case involving one of Tony's students, both men will have to face old demons and new fears to find a way to move forward together. 

All good things must come to an end, and unless Kaje Harper writes a fifth book, which I'm praying for, I have to say goodbye to Mac and Tony.  That doesn't mean that this won't be a series I continuously go back to, because I will, but I'll miss getting to see where their lives take them after what proved to be the most life affirming book of the series.

Mac is struggling to not only go back on the job after his near fatal shooting left him battling aphasia, but he is having to figure out who he is as a person, a husband, a father, and as a cop.  Before he met Tony, and formed their family, most of his identity was wrapped up in his career.  If he can't go back to it, which I'll relieve your fears here, he does, he isn't sure how to go about redefining himself.  He loves Tony and the kids, but he is his job, it's who he sees himself as.

Then you have poor Tony who someone has to come to terms with the man he loves, the husband he almost lost, going back to a job that almost killed him. I can't imagine being the spouse of a police officer.  I would be terrified every time he went to work that he wouldn't be coming back, it's not a situation I envy anyone, especially in today's climate.  I think the author does a wonderful job balancing Tony and Mac as individuals, as well as a couple.  They both need different things, in both of those roles, and it's not always easy to reconcile them.  Tony's fears, and Mac's need to be the man he sees himself have are two vastly conflicting issues, and the two of them handle them in a very affirming way.

We also get to see more of Mac's background in this book, and after meeting his siblings and dad, it's very easy to see how he became the man we met in the first book.  The fact he was able to overcome, and accept a life with Tony, after his childhood is amazing, and speaks to the inner strength he has. And when you compare his family to Tony's, it's even more apparent that Tony completes Mac in ways that I don't think another man would have been able to.

Challenges: Men In Uniform

The Hunger by Whitley Strieber

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

Miriam Blaylock, rich and beautiful, lives life to the fullest - a house in Manhattan's exclusive Sutton Place, a husband she adores, priceless antiques, magnificent roses.  But then John Blaylock, like all Miriam's past lovers, suddenly beings to age.  Almost overnight, his body reveals the truth: he is nearly two hundred years old!

Fearing the terrible isolation of eternity Miriam stalks a new lover.  She is Sarah Roberts, a brilliant young sleep researcher who has discovered the blood factor that controls aging and thus may possess the secret of immortality.  Miriam desperately wants Sarah, for herself and for her knowledge.  But to win her, Miriam must destroy Sarah's love for Dr. Tom Haver, who learns that his enemy is like no other woman who has ever lived... now or forever 

You know the old adage that the book is always better than the movie?  This is one of those times where it comes really damn close to being false.  I fell in love with the movie adaptation of The Hunger the first time I saw it.  It stars the gorgeous Catherine Deneuve as Miriam Blaylock, David Bowie as John Blaylock, and Susan Sarandon as Dr. Sarah Roberts.  T he movie is about as sexy and horrifying as a movie can be.  The tension, of all kinds, oozes off the screen, all of which can be attributed to the way Catherine Deneuve embodied the character of Miriam Blaylock.  It's a beautiful movie to watch, and my love for it, is what kept me putting the book off for as long as I did.  I didn't want to fall in love with the book, and have a movie I love, suddenly start paling in comparison.

I finally picked a hardcover edition up at a used bookstore for about $5.  It still took me a few months before I was willing to read it, but once I did, I fell in love with Miriam all over again.  The sensuality of her character, which is nailed by Catherine Deneuve, is a bit subtler here, but just as effective.  This is still a story about lust and love, and how those two things can become so twisted and blurred, that it's hard to tell them apart.  It has vampiric wrappings, and after Lestat de Lioncourt, she is about the sexiest vampire to ever be dreamed up.  She is not afraid to draw blood and to use violent means to get what she wants.  But outside of that, and sort of hidden among the obsession, is a story about a woman who is trying to find a home.  More than anything Miriam Blaylock wants that forever home, just in her case it would really be for forever.