I Have Something to Tell You by Chasten Buttigieg

 

If you even remotely paid attention to me on Facebook, you would know who my favorite candidate was during the Democratic primaries. Going into them, I actually had three favorites: Buttigieg, Castro, and Harris.  They were the three individuals that I had been paying attention to for years, and will always hold a lot of admiration for. In the beginning, the three of them were pretty much grouped together, with no real order of preference. For that matter, I would have been in heaven had anyone found a way to set up triumvirate government, with the three of them sharing power. 

As the primaries slogged on, Pete started to edge ahead of the other two. And by the time he dropped out, he was my first choice. I won't go into the policy issues that pushed me his way, though I could list quite a few, this just isn't the place to do that. Stylistically, he was also the one I was able to connect to the most.  Again, since this isn't the real point of this post, I'll skip over that as well.  Which leaves us with the deeply personal connection I felt to him and his campaign, and his husband, Chasten, had a lot to do with that.  

As a gay man, who struggled with acceptance as a kid, seeing an out man have a real chance at the White House, was something I never thought I would see in my lifetime.  Seeing my lived experience as a gay man, in someone who could easily be President of the Untied States, was nothing short of life affirming.  Getting to know him, as well as you can through the media and his own book, was something I would have loved to experience when I was younger.  The visibility and example he lives, gives our youth a glimpse of what it means when we say, It Gets Better.

The truly joyful part of Pete's campaign, was getting to see and "know" his husband, Chasten. If you have ever followed Chasten on social media, how he comes across there, is the same way he comes across in his memoir. His intelligence, loving heart, and wit are on full display. He doesn't pull punches, but he wraps them in both understanding and humility. He owns up to the mistakes he made, and seems to be someone who truly knows who he is. He comes across as humble, but with the understanding that he and his husband represent a sense of hopefulness for the future in terms of LGBTQ+ acceptance in a country that doesn't always feel welcoming, and oftentimes dangerous. 

When I first saw their Time magazine cover, with the words First Family, I cried. If I had seen that as a kid, it would have been everything to me, like seeing Norm on the first season of The Real World or watching the 1993 LGB March on Washington. I hope this book  an be that touchstone for some of today's youth, just looking to know they aren't alone. 

What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton

Part Of The Synopsis From Dust Jacket: 

For the first time, Hillary Rodham Clinton reveals what she was thinking and feeling during one of the most controversial and unpredictable presidential elections in history. Now free from the constraints of running, Hillary takes you inside the intense personal experience of becoming the first woman nominated for president by a major party in an election marked by rage, sexism, exhilarating highs and infuriating lows, stranger-than-fiction twists, Russian interference, and an opponent who broke all the rules.  

Fair warning, a little of my political side comes out in this "review".

Frankly, I don't know how to objectively review this book. Even if I could somehow manage to be objective, how do you "review" a first person narrative of an election that is still tearing our country apart? I voted for Sec. Clinton in both the Democratic primary, and in the general election. What's more, I would do it again with a joyous heart.  But right now, my heart is broken by the wasted opportunity this country had to be lead by someone of her caliber. Instead, we have a man in the White House who is currently blaming hurricane survivors in Puerto Rico for their own suffering, while he's playing golf. He's poking at the leader of North Korea, his Justice Department is now saying it's okay for employers to fire you for being gay, and Dreamers are just months away from being deported. I told you I couldn't be objective about this.

In What Happened, Sec. Clinton is pretty frank in how she sees the mistakes she made, the fake email controversy and Director Comey's role, divisions on the left, and Russian interference combined into a perfect storm she just couldn't figure out how to navigate. This could be my own biases showing, but I think she's right. Throughout the book, Sec. Clinton lays out her case and does it without whining.  She accepts blame when she should, but doesn't hold back in holding others accountable when it's appropriate to do so.

Sen. Sanders used right wing propaganda to weaken her with his supporters. He painted a corrupt narrative of her that some voters, primarily younger who didn't really know her, bought into. They didn't understand the primary process, couldn't believe she was beating him in the primary, so they bought into this whole notion of the primary being stolen. The fact that it was the same primary system that allowed then Sen. Obama to beat her, was immaterial to their anger. They labeled her corrupt, badgered her supporters online, and a few in WI, PA, and MI threw hissy fits and either didn't vote, or voted for Dr. Stein, who has her own ties to Russia.

The letter Comey wrote to Congress days before the election truly was the final nail in the coffin. She is right when she says the momentum was on her side, but that the letter stopped it cold. It was an unprecedented act of interference in our election system by the FBI. His whole manner was suspect, from his initial statement to that final letter, he behaved in a most unseemly  manner.

The scope of Russian interference is staggering. Giving the Trump campaign opposition research, hacking the email systems of the DNC and John Podesta including the planting of fake emails, creating fake news stories, orchestrating anti immigrant rallies on US soil, taking out political ads on social media, employing thousand of social media trolls, stirring up racial tensions online, and only they know what else they did. The investigation is for from over, but what's already known should chill the blood of every American.

If you couldn't tell by my tone, I'm still a little bitter about the election. I wish I could find the grace and humor that Sec. Clinton shows in this book. Her pain and disappointment are on full display, but so is her warmth and compassion for those she feels she let down. This is a deeply personal memoir, and if it hurt for me to read it, I can't imagine how it felt for her to write it.

It's obviously a book by someone who is never going to run for office again, it's far too candid for that. And that's what hurt the most. Granted I've admired her for years, but seeing this openness from her cements the idea that regardless of how or why it happened, the missed opportunities that were only possible with her in office are a national disgrace.

The Apache Wars by Paul Andrew Hutton

Part Of The Synopsis From Back Cover:

The 1861 kidnapping of the boy who would grow up to be Mickey Free-the only man Geronimo ever feared-started the longest war in American history: the brutal struggle between the Apache and the U.S. government for control of the Southwest. When the Apache Wars finally ended in 1890, the western frontier had closed, and the once  powerful Apaches had been imprisoned far to the east or corralled on reservations. 

It has always amazed me how one decision, one action taken by someone who would normally not be important to history, can alter everything. One action, seemingly done in isolation, can have rippling effects that can never be foreseen. This is a masterfully crafted narrative of one such chain of events, one that even the Oracle of Delphi could not have predicted.

Dr. Hutton obviously knows his subject. The research done, and the obvious love he has for a well spun tale, shine through on every page. Through the lives of those involved in the brutal campaign, he draws the reader into that world. It's not pretty nor safe, it's violent and bloody and almost everyone he introduces on the page will suffer. It's not a period in the history of our country most of us like to think about outside the romanticized era of Hollywood Westerns, but it's a story that needs to be told.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review

Had She but Known by Charlotte MacLeod

Synopsis From Publisher: 

In the decades since her death in 1958, master storyteller Mary Roberts Rinehart has often been compared to Agatha Christie. But while Rinehart was once a household name, today she is largely forgotten. The woman who first proclaimed “the butler did it” was writing for publication years before Christie’s work saw the light of day. She also practiced nursing, became a war correspondent, and wrote a novel—The Bat—that inspired Bob Kane’s creation of Batman.

Born in Allegheny City, Pennsylvania, before it was absorbed into Pittsburgh, and raised in a close-knit Presbyterian family, Mary Roberts was at once a girl of her time—dutiful, God-fearing, loyal—and a quietly rebellious spirit. For every hour she spent cooking, cleaning, or sewing at her mother’s behest while her “frail” younger sister had fun, Mary eked out her own moments of planning, dreaming, and writing. But becoming an author wasn’t on her radar . . . yet.

Bestselling mystery writer Charlotte MacLeod grew up on Rinehart’s artfully crafted novels, such as the enormously successful The Circular Staircase—“cozies” before the concept existed. After years of seeing Christie celebrated and Rinehart overlooked, MacLeod realized that it was time to delve into how this seemingly ordinary woman became a sensation whose work would grace print, stage, and screen. From Rinehart’s grueling training as a nurse and her wartime interviews with a young Winston Churchill and Queen Mary to her involvement with the Blackfoot Indians and her work as doctor’s wife, mother of three, playwright, serialist, and novelist, this is the unforgettable story of America’s Grande Dame of Mystery.   

I don't think it will come as a surprise that when a friend of mine pointed out a cheap copy of this book, that I jumped at the chance to read a biography of Mary Roberts Rinehart. For those of you who don't know, next to Agatha Christie, Mary Roberts Rinehart is my second favorite mystery writer of all time. I never heard of her until Yvette of in so many words... did a review of The Circular Staircase. While reading her review, the plot sounded really familiar to me, and I quickly learned that one of my favorite movies, The Bat starring Vincent Price and Agnes Moorehead, was actually based off of a Rinehart novel. Actually, the movie is an adaptation of the The Bat, which was a novelization of a play of the same name, which was actually based off of The Circular Staircase. After that little discovery, I was hooked. I've since read and reviewed twenty-three of her books, and while I like some more than others, I would take them all over a lot of the "cozy" stuff being written today.

When I first started to delve into Had She But Known, which by the way is named after a major plot device used by Rinehart, I wasn't sure I was going to like it. The affection and admiration Charlotte MacLeod had for her subject was obvious from the start, almost too obvious. I understand that, for the most part, if someone is going to take the time to write a biography of someone else, that they are going to have to respect the subject, otherwise the writing would be a horrible experience. However, there should also be distance and objectivity between the writer and the subject, otherwise it can cloud the information coming across. If I can't trust you to be objective, how can I trust the information being given?  Her admiration comes across too much, especially in the beginning, and just could have done without her commenting on the worth of individual Rinehart books. The language got too flowery and flattering at times, but thankfully I plowed through and I ended up loving the book.

What saved it for me was my own love for the subject. This is a writer whose work I enjoy so much, how could I not love exploring her life in far more detail than I ever had before. And what I discovered only heightened that admiration. From the way she handled herself as an overseas war correspondent during WWI, to the scrappy determination to do whatever it took to take care of her husband and three sons, I discovered a woman worthy of the admiration and respect Charlotte MacLeod so obviously heaped on her. It was interesting to read how some of my favorite novels came about, even the ones MacLeod didn't share my views of. It's hard to believe the speed at which some of these had been written, given the complexities of the plots.

Mary Roberts Rinehart became a household name in her day. From her exploits with Theodore Roosevelt, to her advocating for Indigenous tribes, to becoming one of the highest paid authors of her time, she did everything with a style all her own, and I wish that she somehow regains the popularity she enjoyed so long ago.

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

Part of the Synopsis from the Dust Jacket:

In the 1920s, the richest people per capita in the world were members of the Osage Indian nation in Oklahoma.  After oil was discovered beneath their land, they rode in chauffeured automobiles, built mansions, and sent their children to study in Europe. 

Then, one by one, the Osage began to be killed off.  The family of an Osage woman, Mollie Buckhart, became a prime target.  Her relatives were shot and poisoned. And it was just the beginning, as more and more members of the tribe began to die under suspicious circumstances. 

In this last remnant of the Wild West - where oilmen such as J.P. Getty made their fortunes and where desperadoes such as Al Spencer, the "Phantom Terror," roamed - many of those who dared to investigate the killings were themselves murdered.  As the death toll climbed to more than twenty-four, the relatively new FBI took over.  It was one of the organization's first major homicide cases but the bureau badly bungled the investigation.  In desperation, the young director, J. Edgar Hoover, turned to a former Texas Ranger named Tom White to unravel the mystery.  White put together an undercover team, including an American Indian agent in the bureau.  Together with the Osage they began to expose one of the most chilling conspiracies in American history. 

Officially, around twenty-four members of the Osage tribe were murdered for their oil. Unofficially, the estimates I've seen start in the sixties, and climb from there. They were murdered by their friends, in-laws, spouses, and community leaders.  Their lives were stolen by the very people they were supposed to trust and look to for help. The depravity inflicted upon the human soul that this book narrates is mind boggling in it's scope, and heart wrenching in the way people were betrayed by those they loved. Just when I think I've heard the cruelest examples of the way humans treat each other, I'm exposed to a story that makes the shows my roommate watches on the ID Channel, seem like child's play.  It is almost impossible for me to express the full depth of emotion I felt as I read this tale of greed so base, that Charles Ponzi is a nobody in comparison to these men.

This wasn't one or two men so blinded by money, that they left their morals at the door. This was an entire community, an entire county, hell bent on taking what they could, damn the methods used. Politicians and lawmen, the ones not actually contracting the killings themselves, did the covering up and lost evidence. Doctors faked autopsies. Inquests were filled with the men responsible for the deaths.

Since Congress had decided that the Osage were not capable of taking care of their own money, white business men were assigned as executors.  Many of those men ended up with dead charges, in many cases more than one dead charge, allowing themselves to "inherit" the oil rights.  The white men who did actually try to investigate, ended up dead themselves.  One man was actually killed in Washington, D.C.

The part that really turns my stomach, other than men marrying and impregnating women solely to kill them later, is the way in which systemic racism allowed this to happen to begin with. It was congressional actions, built out of prejudice and disdain for indigenous Americans, that laid the framework these men took advantage of.  If congress had not taken many of the actions they did, I'm almost convinced this could have all been prevented.  

And the part that just saddens me, is that I went to high school in Osage county.  I lived in Osage county for four years, and I never heard a peep about this.  It wasn't taught in state history, it wasn't talked about by the residents of the town I lived in.  I never heard of this tragedy until I was listening to NPR in the car earlier this year.  How can something of this magnitude not be taught in our schools?  What happened in Osage county should serve as an example of what transpires when racism and greed are combined.

And yes I know, so far I haven't written much of a review, and I'm okay with that.  You guys already know that I'm a sucker for well written narrative nonfiction, and Killers of the Flower Moon is a prime example of it.  I'm sure you can already guess that I would do my damndest to convince all of you to get your hands on this book.  That I would want you to share it with your friends and family.  I would implore all of you to never let what happened in Osage county be brushed aside into obscurity again.

Jefferson's America by Julie M. Fenster

Part Of The Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

At the dawn of the nineteenth century, as Britain, France, Spain, and the United States all jockeyed for control of the vast stretches west of the Mississippi River, the stakes for American expansion were incalculably high. Even after the American purchase of the Louisiana Territory, Spain still coveted that land and was prepared to employ any means to retain it. With war expected at any moment, Jefferson played a game of strategy, putting on the ground the only Americans he could: a cadre of explorers who finally annexed the territory through courageous investigation.

Orchestrating the American push into the continent, Jefferson most famously recruited Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, who led the Corps of Discovery to the Pacific. But at the same time there were other teams doing identical work, jn places were it was even more crucial. William Dunbar, George Hunter, Thomas Freeman, Peter Curtis, and the dauntless Zebulon Pike - all were dispatched on urgent missions to map the frontier while keeping up a steady correspondence with Washington about their findjngs.

But they weren't always well-matched - not with one another and certainly not against a Spanish army of a thousand soldiers or more. The tensions and perils threatened to undermine Jefferson's goals for the nascent country, leaving the United States in danger of losing its foothold in the West.

When I first started the blog, a blog that I've allowed to languish for far too long, I wasn't reading that much nonfiction. I would pick up the occasional political or history book, but it was only one or two a year, and that may be stretching it a bit. If blogging has made a lasting positive change in my reading life, it's in an ever expanding appreciation for nonfiction. The types of books I'm now reading covers a vaster expanse of interests, and I now have a greater appreciation for American history and how much of it I really didn't know.

I of course knew President Jefferson's role in obtaining the Louisiana Territory, what middle school kid hasn't heard of the Louisiana Purchase? I knew of Lewis & Clark and the exploration they embarked on. What I didn't know, or at least forgot about, was everything going on behind the scenes. They didn't teach us about all the maneuvering behind the scenes, the clashes with the Spaniards, or all the obstacles that had to be overcome for our country to stretch from coast to coast.

Before reading this I don't think I understood how much of how we see ourselves as a nationation was crafted by Jefferson. Nor do I think I fully appreciated his role in creating the country we call home, and I don't necessarily mean in our size. I think he is pivotal in envisioning a nation that stretched from the Atlantic to the Pacific, but I think he helped craft our character and instilled in our collective psyche a need to see beyond our current borders, to always be reaching for what is next.  He helped mold the American sense of adventuring. After reading this book, my fondness for our third president has only grown.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review

Finding Fontainebleau: An American Boy in France by Thad Carhart

Synopsis From Dust Jacket: 

For a young American boy in the 1950s, Fontainebleau was a sight both strange and majestic.  A provincial town just south of Paris, it is home to France's greatest chateau where Thad Carhart's father was assigned as a military officer.  With humor and heart, Carhart conveys a rich panoply of French life in the '50s: the discovery of a Paris still covered in centuries of black soot; the strange bewilderment of a classroom where wine bottles dispensed ink for penmanship lessons; the excitement of camping in nearby Italy and Spain.  What emerges is an insider's view of a postwar Europe rarely seen or largely forgotten. 

Against this background of deep change for France stands the Chateau of Fontainebleau.  Begun in 1137, fifty years before the Louvre and more than five hundred before Versailles, the Chateau was a royal residence for centuries.  A string of illustrious queens and kings - Marie Antoinette, Francois I, the two Napoleons - added to its splendors without appreciably destroying the imprint of their predecessors.  As a consequence, the Chateau is unique in France, a supreme repository of French style, taste, art, and architecture.  Carhat tells us the rich and improbable stories of these monarchs and of their love affair with a place like no other.

Before I started blogging, I could have counted on one hand the amount of memoirs I had read in my life. Over the last seven years, I have had the opportunity to read/review quite a few memoirs, and I have absolutely fallen in love with a genre I never knew I would.  Reading the lyrical beauty of Finding Fontainebleau has just added to that love affair.

Part memoir, part travelogue, and part history book, Finding Fontainebleau has given me a greater appreciation for France, and for the first time in my life, I want to book a ticket, and get my butt over there.  Mr. Carhart, who is now one of my favorite contemporary writers, has a skill in storytelling that makes me green with envy.  I could only hope to write half as well as he does, though I know that it will never come to be.  He weaves his personal history with that of France and Fontainebleau, and instead of being a fragmented mess, he is able to tie the two stories together.  The narrative undulates back and forth, but never feels out of control.

For the last few weeks, this was the book I would read once I was in bed.  And like any good bedtime story, the melodious tenor of Mr. Carhart's written cadence sent me to dreamland night after night. What I'm reading rarely influences what I dream of, but I can still recall my leisurely stroll through the rooms of Fontainebleau.  I can only hope that I will be able to visit those halls for myself, but if that never comes to pass, I will have Finding Fontainebleau waiting on my shelves.

I would like to thank Lisa of TLC Booktours for the opportunity to read and review this book.  Please visit the tour page to read more reviews.

Being a Beast by Charles Foster

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

How can we ever be sure that we really know the other? To test the limits of our ability to inhabit lives that are not our own, Charles Foster set out to know the ultimate other: the nonhumans, the beasts.  And to do that, he tried to be like them, choosing a badger, an otter, a fox, a deer, and a swift.  He lived alongside badgers for weeks, sleeping in a burrow on a Welsh hillside and eating earthworms, learning to sense the landscape through his nose rather than his eyes.  He tried to catch fish in his teeth while swimming like an otter, rooted through London garbage cans as an urban fox, and as a red deer he was hunted by bloodhounds and nearly died in the snow. Finally, he followed the swifts on their migration route over the Strait of Gibraltar, discovering himself to be strangely connected to the birds. 

Within the first few weeks of my Freshman year in college, I was approached to take part in what was described as an immersive overnight experience designed to give us an idea of what it was like to be homeless.  They took a handful of college Freshmen down to the "big" city of Wichita, KS, and had them spend the night among those who didn't get to sleep in a warm bed the following night.  Needless to say, I passed on the "learning" experience because I was homeless as a kid, albeit for less than a few months.  I knew what it was like to sleep in a car, and not know where your next meal was coming from.  In my eyes, this night out on the streets was nothing more than a way for middle-class kids, who never wanted for anything in their lives, to spout out false empathy for those they got to leave behind less than 12 hours later.  You can not get a real sense of what it's like to be homeless, when you know you are going back to three meals a day and a warm bed in less than 24 hours. Unless you are really feeling the fear and uncertainty they are feeling, you are just a poser, trying to make yourself look good.  Now had Charles Foster designed this experience, maybe the kids would have really learned something from it.  But in the end, even with months and months spent out in the "field", they still would have gone back to their comfy beds, and three meals a day.  And that's the crux of my issue with this book, no matter what I thought of the experiences Mr. Foster put himself through, the lessons he tried to teach himself, in the end, he's still human.  And no matter what, he still sees through human eyes and rationalizes everything through a human brain.

To give Mr. Foster his due, he is pretty upfront about the limitations he is facing in regards to the experiment he is mapping out.  The entire first chapter is an examination of the pitfalls and problems he is facing in his quest to not only live like a beast, but to think like them, to truly experience the world as they do.  What follows was a extraordinary account of a man, and at times other members of his family, as he submerged himself as much as possible in a world he was never going to fully understand.   He describes his approach and observations with a sense of humor that I found to be off putting at times, but all together charming at the same time.  Mr. Foster is a talented wordsmith, and it shows on every page as he describes the sensory input he experienced.  I swear I was able to taste earthworm in my mouth as he described his culinary experience with them.

I'm still not convinced that everything Mr. Foster put himself through allowed him to experience the world as the beasts do, but I'm not sure such a thing is really possible.  Unless there is a shaman out there that can put his/herself into an animal's body, and live as they do for a few years, I'm not sure any human ever will.  I do think that he has a new understanding of the particular beasts he chose to live like, and that's just as worthy of a goal.  I don't think we need to necessarily become a beast to understand them in some small way, or to appreciate the role they have on Earth.   Being a Beast has given me a greater appreciation for the natural world, even if I'm not going to experience in quite the same way as Mr. Foster did.

I would like to thank Emily with Henry Holt & Company for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Recipes for the Good Life by Patti LaBelle

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

Miss Patti is back, as fierce as ever, sharing more than 100 new recipes that will have your mouth watering and your guests begging for seconds!  With dishes ranging from the Over the Top, Top, Top Macaroni and Cheese (with shrimp and lobster!), to the Poaches Salmon with Basil Cream Sauce and Fettuccine, to the Tender and Juicy Barbecued Baby Back Ribs, to the Fried Apple Pie, there's something perfect for every occasion.  She not only walks you through the preparation of her favorite dishes with ease, but also share heartfelt and witty stories about food, family, and life throughout the book.  

I'm a huge fan of all things Patti LaBelle.  She is in my top five list of female vocalists of all time, and while I never got to try the sweet potato pie everyone went crazy for this last holiday season, I'm going to be on the lookout for it this year.

I've had this particular book for years now, and it's one that I seem to go back to time and time again. It's easy to use, has 6 color coded sections, and almost everything I have made from it is absolutely delicious.  I've even given it as a gift to a few friends, and from the feedback I've gotten, they seem to be enjoying it as much as I do.

The one recipe I make more than any other, is for Smothered Pork Chops.  It was the first thing I ever cooked out of this book, and it's one I tend to go back to a handful of times throughout the year.  I've made it so many times, I don't need to look at the recipe anymore.  The gravy with this is so damn good, rich and creamy, the kind of gravy that sticks to your ribs.  I've used it on mashed potatoes, and love to wipe my plate with a piece of toast, just to make sure I get it all.  I do add more mushrooms than the recipe calls for, and I use regular bacon, over turkey bacon.

I'm not a huge dessert person, never have been, never will be, but I'm a sucker for baked pears.  Hell give me a poached pear, and I'm just as happy.  Her version has them wrapped in a layer of pie dough, and stuffed with sugar, cinnamon, raisins, and nuts.  She calls them Pear Dumplings, and just typing this is making my mouth water.  It's been a while since I've made this one, but I'm thinking that will have to be rectified as soon as possible.  She recommends the same preparation for sweet or tart apples, especially Jazz apples, but I haven't tried that yet.  I've played around with using a mixture of brown and regular sugar, instead of just the granulated, and I find my palette tends to enjoy that flavor a bit more.

So now that I've got your taste buds jumping, I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite Patti LaBelle songs.

Worlds Elsewhere: Journeys Around Shakespeare's Globe by Andrew Dickson

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

Ranging ambitiously across four continents and four hundred years, Worlds Elsewhere is an eye-opening account of how Shakespeare went global.  Seizing inspiration from the playwright's own fascination with travel, foreignness, and distant worlds - worlds Shakespeare never himself explored - Andrew Dickson takes us on an extraordinary journey:  from Hamlet performed by English actors tramping through the Baltic states in the early sixteen hundreds to the skyscrapers of twenty-first-century Beijing and Shanghai, where "Shashibiya" survived Mao's Cultural Revolution to become a revered Chinese author. 

En route, Dickson traces Nazi Germany's strange love affair with, and attempted nationalization of, the Bard, and delves deep into their history of Bollywood, where Shakespearian stories helped give birth to Indian cinema.  In Johannesburg, we discover how Shakespeare was enlisted in the fight to end apartheid.  In nineteenth-century California, we encounter shoestring performances of Richard III and Othello in the dusty mining camps and saloon bars of the Gold Rush. 

No other writer's work has been performed, translated, adapted, and altered in such a remarkable variety of cultures and languages.  Both a cultural history and a literary travelogue, Worlds Elsewhere is an attempt to understand how Shakespeare has become the international phenomenon he is - and why. 

I'm going to put this out there before we even get started, I'm not a huge Shakespeare fan. It's not that I don't like him, but I can't say I would ever go out of my way to read one of his plays.  In college, I played Philostrate in a production of A Midsummer's Night Dream, set in feudal Japan.  I've enjoyed a few movie versions of Much Ado About Nothing, and I love the movie version of Titus Andronicus that I've seen.  And outside of mandatory reading in high school and college, that's the extent of my dabbling with Shakespeare  So for you die hard fans, I'm sorry that I'm not in love with the Bard, at least not as much as you are.

That lack of exposure to Shakespeare, is why I agreed to review this book.  I was intrigued by the concept; the author traveling the globe, learning how particular cultures absorbed and interpreted his works for their own.  For the most part, I really enjoyed the journey that Andrew Dickson took me on.  I do wish he would have been able to visit a few other countries, but I get that finances dictate how much global traveling you can really do.  And while there were moments that felt bogged down in detailed minutiae, I appreciated the work he put into the book, and his love for the subject shines through on every page.

After finishing the Worlds Elsewhere, while I can't say that my interest in Shakespeare's work has been increased, I will admit to having a little more respect for him, and the influence he has had on a global scale.  I don't think I truly had an appreciate, or understanding, of how popular he was across the globe, and how adaptable his works are to other cultures, at least not on the level I was exposed to in this book.  For that alone, for gaining a new appreciate for an author who is globally loved, I'm grateful for reading this book.

I would like to thank the publisher, Henry Holt, for providing a copy of Worlds Elsewhere, in exchange for an honest review.
                                                                                                                                                                               

Shakespeare Turned 400 Today! Let's Celebrate With A Giveaway of Worlds Elsewhere by Andrew Dickson!

Today, April 23rd, 2016, marks William Shakespeare's 400th birthday! Incidentally, it's also the anniversary of his death.  In celebration, I have a copy of Worlds Elsewhere: Journeys Around Shakespeare's Globe by Andrew Dickinson, provided by Henry Holt, to give away.

If you ever wanted to know how Shakespeare's fascination with travel, though he never went anywhere, influenced his work, this is the book for you.  But it's more than that, it's also a journey through time as the world has embraced him and his works, of how different cultures have interpreted and assimilated his work into their societies.  It's a fascinating book, and one that I'm still digging into.  I will have a review coming up shortly, but for now, I'm hoping you guys are ready to find out how to get your own copy. 

All you have to do is leave a comment, telling me a personal tidbit about your relationship with Shakespeare.  It's open to interpretation, so I'm looking forward to reading your comments.  Please leave an email address that I can contact you with, if you are the winner.  Sadly, this is only open to U.S. Residents.  The giveaway will run until 11:59 pm CST, on 5/7/2016.  The winner will be selected by random draw, and I will contact the winner by email. The winner will then have 4 days to get in touch with me, before I draw a new winner.  

So good luck, and if you want to read more about the book, please visit the website at: WorldsElsewhereBook.com 

The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook edited by Kate White (Password Clue)

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Hard-boiled breakfasts, thrilling entrees, cozy desserts, and more - this illustrated cookbook features over 100 recipes from legendary mystery authors.  Whether your're planning a sinister dinner party or simply looking to whip up some comfort food, you'll find plenty to savor in this cunning collection.  Full-color photography is featured throughout, along with mischievous sidebars revealing the links between food and foul play. 


Let's think about this one for just a second.  How on earth would I be able to pass on this one.  The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook contains two of my favorite things in the world, mysteries and food.  It's a no-brainer, and I would have deserved to be victim number one, had I not jumped at the chance to get my hands on this one.

When I got it in the mail, and I'm not exaggerating this, I skipped all the way from the mailbox to my front door.  I was that damn excited.  Now it took me a few days to have the time to start trying out some of the recipes, but once I did, I have to admit to being a little impressed.  These aren't examples of complicated, high cuisine.  For the most part, the recipes are fairly simple, easy to follow, and it's the kind of food we all love to eat.

I'm not a huge breakfast eater, but I know it's the most important meal of the day, so I try to get by the best that I can.  I'm really not an egg fan, so the fact I was willing to make an omelet should shock everyone I know, but when I saw who contributed it to the book, I had to go for it.  I think you guys know that I'm a huge fan of Ben H. Winters The Last Policeman trilogy, and thank the lord, he included Detective Palace's Three-Egg Omelet.  If you are a fan of the series, you will recognize Hank's customary breakfast.  It was super easy to make, and while I'm still not a huge fan of eggs, I'm willing to love anything attached to Hank Palace.

After I had perused the entire book, I decided to try out Brad Meltzer's Italian Chicken.  Again it was a dish with only 7 ingredients, two of them salt and pepper, and it was so easy to make.  There were only 5 steps to it, the first was to preheat an oven and spray a baking dish.  I wasn't expecting it to be as good as it was.  I think sometimes we forget that simple is good, and that sometimes it's the best way to go.

And not to name drop, but here are some of the other authors who have contributed recipes of their own: Louise Penny, Mary Higgins Clark, Rhys Bowen, Kathy Reichs, Charles Todd, Jacqueline Winspear, Gillian Flynn, Sue Grafton (the peanut butter and pickle sandwich her main character loves so much), James Patterson, and tons more.  This will be one of those cookbooks I go back to over, and over, and over again.

Challenges: Password (America)

Tamales: Fast And Delicious Mexican Meals by Alice Guadalupe Tapp

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Tamales are a Mexican favorite, beloved year-round as well as at Christmas, when the whole family traditionally pitches in with the work of tamale preparation and assembly. Thanks to renowned tamalera Alice Guadalupe Tapp, it's now possible to enjoy these delicious treas with a lot less labor.  Tapp has worked her tamale magic to turn the classic process on its head by paring it down to three to four steps that can be done in as little as forty-five minutes using handy tips, products, and tools.  All sixty dishes in the book are naturally gluten free, and include both classic tamale recipes - such as Chicken Mole, Sirloin Beef, and Fresh Poblano and Potato tamales - and novel recipes such as Chorizo and Egg, Oxtail, and Baked Fig tamales.  With this book, tamales are fast and easy enough to enjoy every day, and delicious enough to serve at any celebration.

Tamales are one of my many addictions around the holidays.  It's this perfect Christmas present, wrapped up and ready to eat at a moments notice.  You can make a ton of them days in advance, and enjoy the fruits of your labors for days to come.  Other than the dumpling and the taco, I don't think there is a more perfect food.

I think what I love about all three of the foods, is how many different things they can be.  If you can think of something to stuff into them, you can do it.  And for someone like me, who is almost willing to try anything, the sky is the limit.  I'm dying to try the Wild Boar Carnitas, though I'm not sure where I would find the wild boar.  I'm also really intrigued by the Jalapeno Pesto Potato tamales and the Coconut Lime Corundas.  I think for this Christmas I'll be sticking to the more traditional ones, but I'm really loving the idea of some of the other ones.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review.

The Kitchn Cookbook by Sara Kate Gillingham & Faith Durand

Synopsis From Back Cover:

"There is no question that the kitchen is the most important room of the home," says Sara Kate Gillingham and Faith Durand of Apartment Therapy's beloved cooking site and blog, The Kitchn.

The Kitchn Cookbook offers two books in one: a trove of techniques and recipes, plus a comprehensive guide to organizing your kitchen so that it's one of your favorite places to be.

I'm not sure if it's the holiday season, but I've been on a cookbook kick recently.  There is something about winter setting in, the shorter days, the colder temperatures; that makes me wants to cook more at home.  I find myself digging into the cookbooks I already own, and purchasing new ones, to find the next recipe I want to try out.

With The Kitchn Cookbook, I've gotten a few more recipes to add to my arsenal, but I've also discovered some really good tips, and space saving solutions I'm dying to put into practice.  I live in an apartment, and for those of you who are familiar with an apartment kitchen, you already know that space isn't always there, or at best, it's in a really odd location.

I've tried a few of the drink recipes already, and yes they were delicious.  I'm addicted to rhubarb, so I had to try the rhubarb-vanilla soda.  It was so good, and there are variations for rhubarb-ginger and rhubarb-mint sodas that I want to try out as well.  There is a recipe for Siracha-honey popcorn clusters, and I really want to make it.  I'm not sure if I would actually form it into clusters, or leave it loose.  Either way, it sounds damn good and I want to give it a go.  There is even a recipe for sweet potato and caramelized onion hash that includes a baked egg.  I'm not a huge fan of eggs, but I'm thinking that they may have me talked into it after I give this one a try.

I have a sneaky suspicion that I'll be hanging onto this one for years to come.  I'm just hoping I don't spill too much on it, as I tend to do all of my most loved cookbooks.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review.

In Her Kitchen by Gabriele Galimberti

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

On the eve of a photography trip around the world, Gabriele Galimberti sat down to dinner with his grandmother Marisa.  As she had done so many times before, she prepared his favorite ravioli - a gesture of love and an expression of the traditions by which he had come to know her as a child.  The care with which she prepared this meal, and the evident pride she took in her dish, led Gabriele to seek out grandmothers and their signature dishes in the sixty countries he visited.  The kitchens he photographed illustrate both the diversity of world cuisine and the universal nature of a dish served up with generosity and love.  At each woman's table, Gabriele became a curious and hungry grandson, exploring new ingredients and gathering stories.  These vibrant and intimate profiles and photographs pay homage to grandmothers and their cooking everywhere.  From a Swedish housewife and her homemade lox and vegetables to a Zambian villager and her Roasted Spiced Chicken, this collection features a global palate: included are hand-stuffed empanadas from Argentina, twice-fried pork and vegetables from China, slow-roasted ratatouille from France, and a decadent toffee trifle from the United States.  Taken together or bite by bite, In Her Kitchen taps into our collective affection for these cherished family members and the ways they return that affection.

I have an obsessive need to collect cook books, the more varied they are, the better. And when the break the normal mode, go beyond the role of a normal cookbook, I love them even more.  In Her Kitchen mixes food, family history, and gorgeous photography.

When I first cracked open the cover, like I do with every other cookbook I get, I read it cover to cover.  I took in the small little snippets of these grandmother's lives, and I enjoyed reading the love behind the food.   The pictures are stunning, simple in their construction, they are impactful and profound.

Of the food itself, I would love about half of it, be willing to try quite a bit more, and I would run away from one or two of them as fast as my feet would carry me.  I'm intrigued by the Tuscan wild boar stew from Italy.  I know I would love the Khinkali, a pork and beef dumpling from Georgia.  The Spanako-Tiropita, a spinach and cheese pie from Greece looks down right yummy.   Golabki z Ryzem i Miesem, a cabbage with rice and meat roll from Poland is a dish that I'm used to, but this one is a bit different.

I'm not sure I would love the Honduran iguana, but if I didn't know what it was, I may be willing to try it.  The one dish, even I would not be willing to try, is Finkubala.  It's a dish from Malawi, it's a pretty simple one actually, only 5 ingredients.  The problem for me is that the main ingredient is 4 1/2 pounds of dried caterpillars.  Actually they are more like maggots.  They are sauteed with onion and tomatoes, and the picture is enough to have me running for the hills.

I'm really looking forward to try a few of these out, when I do, I promise that pictures will be forthcoming.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review.

The Lost Tribe of Coney Island by Claire Prentice

Part Of The Synopsis From Back Cover:

The Lost Tribe of Coney Island unearths the incredible true story of the Igorrotes, a group of "headhunting, dog-eating savages" from the Philippines, taken to New York in 1905 by the charming, opportunistic doctor-turned-showman Truman K. Hunt.  They appeared as "human exhibits" alongside the freaks and the curiosities at Coney Island's Luna Park.  Millions of fairgoers delighted in their tribal dances and rituals, near nudity, tattoos, and tales of headhunting.  The Igorrotes became a national sensation - they were written up in newspaper headlines, portrayed in cartoons, and even featured in advertising jingles, all fueled by Hunt's brilliant publicity stunts.

By the end of that first summer season at Coney, the sideshow scheme had made Hunt a rich man.  But he was also a man who liked to live large, and his fortune was dwarfed only by his ability to spend it.  Soon he would be on the run with the tribe in tow, pursued by ex-wives, creditors, and the tireless agents of American justice.

I think you guys are going to view me as slightly schizophrenic after reading my thoughts on this one.  If you have been reading the blog for any length of time, and I apologize for my absence over the last month, you guys know I'm a huge fan of nonfiction in general, and that I adore narrative nonfiction.  With all of that, you would assume that I would have loved The Lost Tribe of Coney Island.  Sadly, I didn't.

I found the subject to be fascinated, and even laughed out loud a few times as I was reading it.  I also really enjoyed the author's writing style, and her word flow.  Where my hang-up lies, is in the fact that there was almost too much of the narrative nonfiction, and not enough of a pure nonfiction vibe going on.  Now I know that won't make sense outside of my own head, and I apologize for that, but after thinking about it for a while, that's about the only way I can describe it.  In a nutshell, it read too much like a historical fiction book, and not enough like a history book.

For me, and this is about my taste, there was too much license taken with the minute details in the book.  The way someone stood, or what they were thinking or said in a particular moment, where there is really no historical data to back it up.  I'm sure it's all based on something, but it felt as if I was watching a movie based on an actual event, not a documentary.

As I said, it's all in what I look for in a nonfiction book, and I'm sure there are plenty out there that would have no issue with it.  And in all fairness, I rarely ever like a historical fiction novel, which this book reminded me of.

I would like to thank Lisa of TLC Book Tours for the opportunity to read/review this book.  Please visit the tour page to read other reviews.

Trapped Under the Sea by Neil Swidey

Synopsis From Dust Jacket:

A quarter century ago, Boston had the dirtiest harbor in America.  The city had been dumping sewage into if for generations, coating the seafloor with a layer of "black mayonnaise."  Fisheries collapsed, wildlife fled, and locals referred to floating tampon applicators as "beach whistles."

In the 1990s, work began on a state-of-the-art treatment plant and a 10-mile-long tunnel - its endpoint stretching farther from civilization than the Earth's deepest ocean trench - to carry waste out of the harbor.  With this impressive feat of engineering, Boston was poised to show the country how to rebound from environmental ruin.  But when bad decisions and clashing corporations endangered the project, a team of commercial divers was sent on a perilous mission to rescue the stymied cleanup effort.  Five divers went in; not all of them came out alive.

Drawing on hundreds of interviews an thousands of documents collected over five years of reporting, award winning writer Neil Swidey takes us deep into the lives of the divers, engineers, politicians, lawyers, and investigators involved int he tragedy and its aftermath, creating a taut, action-packed narrative. The climax comes just after the hard-partying DJ Gillis and his friend Billy Juse trade assignments as they head into the tunnel, sentencing one of them to death.

Deer Island Sewage Treatment Plant

One of my biggest joys in having a book blog, is in being able to read nonfiction books I would never have heard of otherwise.  I've always read nonfiction, but in the past, is was on subjects I already knew about, or it was a book someone had suggested, or given to me. Blogging has opened my nonfiction eyes, in ways I never though about, when I started Wordsmithonia.  I've been exposed to people and events I have never heard of, been fascinated by subjects I would never have thought about on my own, and most of all, it's given me a better sense of the way other people view the world.

With Trapped Under the Sea, I feel as if a piece of our country's history, which I would almost bet most people outside of Massachusetts aren't familiar with, has been exposed for all of us to see.  Our national media seems to focus on the latest political scandal, or piece of celebrity gossip.  Stories that should be making national headlines don't.  I think it would be safe to say that more people know about Britney Spears shaving her head, than know the names of the men who lost their lives in the Deer Island tunnel.  And I would also think it's fair to say that even the majority of the people who were exposed to this story in the news, don't remember it now, and probably never knew a ton of the details to begin with.

From what I can gather, this book actually started off as two part story in The Boston Globe Magazine. Running in August of 2009, Swidey delved into the lives of the divers involved, and finally put voice to their story.  What started off as that two piece story, has turned into one of the best examples of narrative nonfiction I've had the privilege to read in quite a while.

Most of you already know that I'm a huge fan of the two Mitchell Zuckoff books that I have read.  Frozen in Time and Lost in Shangri-La, are two of the best examples I can give of what a good narrative flow is in a nonfiction book.  Both, Mitchell Zuckoff and Neil Swidey, have a way of telling a story in its most natural form.  Trapped Under the Sea reads like a well crafted novel.  This is not a dry spewing forth of names, dates, and events.  This is a well written, compelling story of the lives of those affected by the tunnel disaster, and of those that contributed to it's happening.  It's a fascinating look at the decisions that led to this event, and it doesn't shy away from the consequences of it either.  Where most authors may have ended the story at it's logical conclusion, Swidey takes us into the aftermath, chronicling not only the investigation, but how the personal lives of those involved were changed by the events that day.  It doesn't shy away from the messy details, or the negative ways in which the men who survived, spiraled out after the disaster.

I'm sure some are going to read this book as an indictment of the greedy corporate climate, that so many like to point fingers at.  And I'm sure that they would be valid in those thoughts, even if that's not what I took away from this book.  Instead, Trapped Under the Sea, was a celebration of the human spirit and drive that compels so many of us forward..  

It celebrates the men who would even think of going into a 9.5 mile long tunnel under the sea bed.  It glorifies the spirit of those would would do so, even into an environment that has no breathable air, or any safe way out if something were to go wrong.  It makes us proud to be part of a species that can even dream that big, who even thinks of building a tunnel that far out to sea.  It honors all of those who have given up their lives, in the name of human progress and innovation.  It's a testament to what has driven this country since it's founding, but it's also a warning of what happens when the goal becomes more important than the lives of those trying to reach it.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review.

Here is Where by Andrew Carroll

If you didn't know that Edwin Booth saved the life of Robert Todd Lincoln, months before his brother assassinated President Lincoln, you aren't alone.  I had no clue, and that's the point of this book.  The author, Andrew Carroll, who had files upon files of little know historical oddities, decided to travel the United States, visiting the sites of pivotal points in American history, that most of us have forgotten about.  And forgotten is probably not the right word, let's just say this book is full of events and people that most of us never heard about, though we should have.

He had a few self imposed criteria. They had to be sites that were nationally important, not just some fun local event that didn't have that much of an impact, outside of the neighborhood it took place in.  But most importantly, they had to be unmarked, which most of the time, meant they were forgotten.

But this isn't just a book full of unconnected events and the personalities involved, instead its a travelogue that celebrates this country's past, and honors those that are trying to preserve it.  The author isn't just slapping down some dates and names, he's letting us in on the journey, allowing us to share in the discovery, to revel in our collective history.  Each trip is a separate journey, and we are right there with him, as he visits the sites and talks to the locals, gleaning information from everyone he meets.  You can feel the reverence and even the awe that he feels at times, being on location, where those we should honor, gave up their lives or fulfilled a life time of accomplishments.

He starts us off in Hawaii, not the most logical choice, nor his first choice.  Rather he is forced to accommodate his journey, to meet the demands of where he is going.  And it's with Hawaii that my studying began.  I was unaware of how a kamikaze pilot crash landed on the small island of Niihau.  Nor did I know of his capture by the locals, and how some trusted members of the community, who happened to be of Japanese heritage, tried to help him in escaping.  It's that incident that helped cement the distrust of Japanese Americans, and helped to land them in internment camps for the remainder of World War II.

What follows is a state by state tour, exploring other such events. But he doesn't go off willy nilly, or even follow in a way that makes the most geographical sense.  Instead he breaks the stops down into categories, using these events and places to explore broader themes running throughout our history.  He visits those who are trying to figure out who was here before us.  He delves into the darker side of expansion, discovery and growth.  He visits the homes of men and women who pushed our country forward through innovation and science.  He even touches upon the future, how our past teaches us about what is to come, and how there are those who are trying to preserve it for those generations to come.

And just to put out there one random fact that I never knew, the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918, started in Haskell County, KS.  I live in Kansas, but haven't been into the Western part of the state, I always knew that I never wanted to take a trip to Sublette.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books, for this review.

Zoom: How Everything Moves by Bob Berman

Part Of The Synopsis From Back Cover:

If you sit as still as you can in a quiet room, you might be able to convince yourself that nothing is moving.  But air currents are still wafting around you.  Blood rushes through your veins.  The atoms in your chair jiggle furiously.  In fact, the planet you are sitting on it whizzing through space thirty-times faster than the speed of sound.

In almost five years, I've only reviewed two other science books, The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean and Animal Wise by Virginia Morell.  Given how much I enjoyed both of those books, I'm really not sure why I've tended to distance myself from science books, I'm not even sure if I've done it on purpose or not.  I do know that going forward, I'll be accepting them for review more often.  Science was always one of my favorite subjects in school, and I guess it still is.

In Zoom, Bob Berman makes Earth science fun again.  I know there is biology mixed up in here as well, but it's the Earth sciences that really get the author's attention. He doesn't make the material read as if you are in the middle of a boring lecture, being conducted by an even duller professor.  Instead he makes it feel as if you have gotten to go on a field trip to a local science museum, where you get to immerse yourself in hands on learning.  At the same time, he doesn't talk down to his readers, treating us as if we are in kindergarten, too dumb to understand hard concepts, or remember the names of scientists who really mattered.  It's a fine line for an author to walk, and Bob Berman not only managed to do it, he gives an Olympic level balancing act, worthy of Maria Olaru.

I'm not going to go into every fact and figure that the author shares with us.  But If you have ever wanted to know how blizzards works, get a definitive answer on what thunder is, how light really moves, or what causes the sap in a tree to move, this is the book for you.

Who Would You Do? by Susan Segrest

Synopsis From Back Cover:

Who Would You Do? is both a humor book and a provocative parlor game.  The premise is simple: Author Susan Segrest puts forward a celebrity sexual scenario, and the reader (or group of readers) has to choose who to ravish.  The result is a wildly addictive fantasy, perfect for bachelorette parties, evenings out with friends, or a day at the beach.

The range of choices is mind - and gender - bending, spanning all walks of life.  Who would you do? The Pope or the Dalai Lama? Would you rather have a day at a nude beach with Ben Affleck or a night in the dark with Matt Damon?  Who would you rather see perform at your local strip club - Rue McClanahan, Betty White, or Bea Arthur?

Who Would You Do? is omnisexual, perfect for men or women, straight or gay.  There are male/male choices (Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones) and female/female choices (Heather Locklear or Heather Graham), as well as a few mix-and-match options (Madonna or Bon Jovi) thrown in just for fun.

Saucy and irresistible, Who Would You Do? combines three of American's favorite leisure activities: celebrity watching, reading, and sex.

I can't remember when  I got my hands on this book, but it's been a few years at least.  It was published in 2003, and some of the celebrities in the book are dated to that era, but I'm pretty sure it was at least 2006 or 2007 before I got it.  I don't even remember if I bought it at a discount store, or if a friend got it for me.  What I do remember was how frickin hilarious it was when I first started to go through it.  Some of the scenarios had me laughing so hard, I almost peed my pants a few times.

It had been a few years since it's seen the light of day, or had the dust blown off of it, but the sheer boredom of recovering from surgery prompted me to dust it off, and give it a go.  I actually messaged a few friends with some of the scenarios, without explaining why, and at first I think they thought I was losing it.  They answered them anyway, and when I explained where I was getting them from, they kept asking for more.  I'm not sure how often I'll pull the book back out, but it was nice to play along with the author for a few hours.

And since I know you are dying to play, I'm going to give you a few of the scenarios out of the book, and we will see what your choices are.

1.  You've been invited to attend a neighborhood garden party that in addition to offering a nice game of croquet also includes some tasteful wife swapping.  Which couple would you like to "visit" with first: Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, or Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards?

2.  You've just graduated form the Anna Nicole Smith Institute with a major in the Ancient Art of Seducing Rich Older Men and a minor in complexities of Inheritance Tax. (You've also invested in collagen-injected lips, store-bough double-D's, and triple-processed blond hair.)  Now that you are ready for the big time, which of these gazillionaires would you like to wrangle: Ross Perot, Donald Trump, or Bill Gates?

3.  You are in the middle of a hot-'n'-heavy sex session with, er, yourself when in walk Angela Lansbury, Debbie Reynolds, and Billy Graham.  "I can explain," you stammer, trying to come up with a perfectly reasonable justification as to why your pants are around your ankles.  But it's no use.  Who would you rather have been caught by?

4.  You are invited to a menage a trois with Felix and Oscar or Laverne and Shirley.  Who's it gonna be?

5.  Who would you like to have futuristic, slow-motion, technology-enhanced sex with: Keanu Reeves or Laurence Fishburne?