Saturday, February 27, 2021

February 2021 Viewing, At Least So Far


For those of you who may be new to Wordsmithonia, I'm a huge movie nerd. I have almost 400 movies in my personal collection, and I'm always buying more, especially over the last year. I have probably spent more on Amazon in the last twelve months, than I have over the previous ten years. If you couldn't tell by the picture, I'm an even bigger horror movie nerd. I love them. From the cheesy to the terrifying, I'm just about down for anything horror, at least once. Except for torture porn, that stuff just sucks. I didn't watch all that much in February, especially compared to the month before. 

This is what I watched:

Tenet (2020) - It was okay. I keep watching these kind of movies, hoping I'm going to come out the other side in love with what I had just watched. It's never happened before, and it didn't this time. I'm going to have to admit that I just don't dig high concept sci-fi thrillers. They give me headaches. I didn't hate it, and I enjoyed the action scenes, but it's nothing I'll watch again.  
Watched On: Vudu

Blood Fest (2018) - I absolutely love horror comedy, and I was so damned relieved when my second pick of the month, was one that I absolutely adored. It's not perfect. It had a few missteps, but they are the kind of flaws that are easy for me to overlook. The cast is, minus one, perfect. The plot is an on point send up of both horror movies and horror themed attractions. This will go on my yearly watch of Hellfest LLC, The Houses October Buillt, Haunt, and Hell Fest.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video

Fright Fest (2018) - Despite some decent casting, this was a waste of my time. It was an orgy of over the top horror cliches and one dimensional characters. I can sometimes over look those sorts of things, but if the movie doesn't scare me or make me laugh, it's not worth the pain of sitting through the whole thing.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video

21 Bridges (2019) - A heroic performance by Chadwick Boseman. Great performances by the rest of the cast. I wish I could say that the movie was worthy of it's talent, but I can't. The storyline was generic and predictable, albeit entertaining. In order for me to fall for a movie like this, I need some sort of redemptive arc, and nobody was given that opportunity. I was entertained while watching it, but it's nothing I will ever watch again.
Watched On: Vudu

Digging Up the Marrow (2014) - The best thing about this movie is the poster. 
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

The Haunting of Grady Farm (2019) - It was okay. I love found footage horror, but that love means I watch a lot of mediacore to bad movies. This was about average.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

Hollows Grove (2014) - Another found footage horror, and one I genuinely enjoyed. The performances were above average for this genre, though three of the male characters oozed just a tad bit too much toxic masculinity. I actually ended up caring about what happened to the other male character, which rarely happens in these kind of movies, since the endings are always the same. My one sticking point is the way it's framed as an investigation by the FBI. Stupidest framing ever.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

Ghoul (2015) - Yet another found footage horror movie, this time taking place in Ukraine. The movie is filmed in a mixture of English and Czech, so luckily there were subtitles. This followed a group of Americans as they were attempting to make a documentary about modern day cannibals. I liked it, but not enough to watch again.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

The Empty Man (2020) - Just below my love of found footage horror, sits my love of cult horror. James Badge Dale is frickin brilliant here, I just wish the rest of the cast had lived up to his performance. They weren't bad, but compared to him, they were noticeably weaker. It made for a disjointed viewing experience. The movie is probably too long as well, though it does pack in a few unsettling moments. I feel like I'm saying this a lot, but while I enjoyed it, it's nothing I'll ever need to watch again.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video (Rented)

Love and Monsters (2020) - A shit ton of fun, with some really cool looking monsters. I loved that it doesn't have the typical happy rom/com ending, and I thoroughly enjoyed the mix of comedy and scary thrills. Dylan O'Brien is an absolute treasure.
Watched On: Bluray From My Collection

Camp Cold Brook (2018) - Decent performances with an interesting storyline, but some of the writing felt unfinished and rushed. I actually think, given the plot, that it would have been better as a found footage film.
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

Against the Night (2017) - It was surprisingly better than it should have been. The acting was superior to what I expect from these kind of low budget horror movies. It definitely has a few flaws, and the red herrings were a little annoying, but I actually enjoyed this one. 
Watched On: Amazon Prime Video 

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Let's Talk About Sex, Or At Least About Sexuality - Mainly Mine


Let's have a frank talk about sexuality.  I'm going to get personal,  and you will probably learn things about me that you really didn't want to know,  so if this isn't a conversation you want to be involved in, just skip this post.  I actually first posted this on my Facebook page, so if you already read it there, I apologize for subjecting it to you twice. Actually I don't, but I thought I should say that.

I identify as a gay man.

Prepubescent Ryan, had more crushes on boys, than on girls. I do think those kind of crushes have more to do with personality, than gender at that stage in our lives. I would try to catch glimpses of men's dicks in public bathrooms. I did steal a pack of topless women playing cards once, though the glimpses of Playgirl magazines were more interesting to me.  

Once I hit puberty, men are all that I paid attention to. I wanted to lick, suck, fuck, touch, and play with every inch of a man's body. I had a lot of sex, with a lot of men. The number of men should be embarrassing, hence the reason I won't put it out there, but I'm not ashamed of it. It is what it was. Do I wish I had met THE ONE? Absolutely. But even if I had, which that is for me to know and you to never find out, it wouldn't have mattered. I was too damn immature, and frankly enjoying the attention too much, to not fuck it up.  That is another post though, I'm not ready to get into my body image and self-esteem issues right now. 

The sweaty sex that can last all night, is not the only reason I identify as a gay man. I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attracted to cismen, at least so far. At 44 years old, I've never been sexually attracted to a woman, nor had sex with one.  I've made out a few times, kissing and breast fondling, but that's it. The breast play never went underneath clothes, or involved nipples. Truthfully, the fact it even happened had more to do with alcohol and those specific situations, which also included other men, than any true attraction. It also never happened once my early clubbing days were over with.  To be even more truthful, I felt nothing. I may as well been brushing my teeth. 

As I've aged, while I still identify as a gay man, I've also come to identify as demisexual. And eventhough it may be hard to believe, given my dashing looks and ripped body (said with pure sarcasm), I've actually been celibate for almost 18 years now, by choice. I've gotten to the point where I have to be mentally and/or emotionally attracted to a guy first, before I truly find them physically attractive enough to want to get sweaty with them. Since I don't go out, or even make the attempt to meet guys in a situation where that can happen, I've been celibate. I can still look at a hot guy, and admire the scenery, but I have no desire to do any licking or sucking. Hence, why I also identify myself as demi. I still get off on porn, though it has more to do with the physical and endorphin release, than it does with actuall attraction.

The fact that I identify as a demi gay man, brings me to the point of this post. I tend to have random thoughts, like we all do, and while part of what I'm about to say is something I've always accepted about myself, the thought I had last night was completely new. It's also the aspect that I brought up in a conversation with Viki, that inspired this post. I accepted, years ago, the fact that just because I identify as a gay man, as a demi gay man, that doesn't mean it will always be that way. I'm comfortable with myself enough that if I ever do find myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically attracted to a woman, a transwoman, or a transman, I'm not going to hurt myself by not accepting that attraction. I'm not going to let how I currently identify, keep me from being happy. I don't think it's probable, but I know that it's possible. To reject that, makes absolutely no sense. 

My point is this, sexuality is not stagnant, at least not in the way I view it. It's already evolved for me, and I know it may evolve again. And while I think labels are important, for a myriad of reasons, I also think we can end up using them as barriers when we find ourselves reacting in ways that run counterintuitive to those labels. I personally choose to use labels, for both personal and political reasons, and I probably always will. I'm starting to wonder if I should, could, or even can start using a different label. I'm not sure I can call myself pan, just because I acknowledge the idea that I could find myself attracted to someone who is not a cisman, while never actually experiencing attraction to anyone else. Nor do I necessarily feel a need to right now, but it's something I've at least thought about. Even if it was just once.

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Almost Three Years Later

This crazy thing called Wordsmithonia has been on my mind, a lot. I miss the community I found on here. I miss blog hopping, and getting lost for hours in y'alls posts. I know I've  said this before, but it may just be time to start getting back into this whole blogging gig. I don't think it will be a pure book blog anymore, though I'll still throw up an occasional book or movie review. I may even trot out my Favorite Fictional Character feature, though not every week. 

I think mainly I want to use this as more of a personal journal/outlet. I've never been shy about expressing my opinion on here in the past, or sharing pieces of my life, but it was never the point of this blog. I think if I'm to get back into blogging, I need to make it feel less like a 2nd job, and more like a way to express myself. I'm also not going to set strict timelines on when I post, or even what the content will be. It will be a more freewheeling expression of who I am as a whole person, not just as a reader. 

So with that, I hope to see you around.