The Real Reason My Blog Was Ignored Last Year, And The Loss I'm Dealing With

I'm not even sure how to start explaining to you guys what's been going on over the last 10 months.  It's something I've tried my best to deal with on my own, it's not something I've discussed on Facebook, nor will I be discussing it there. Mainly because there are people in my life who agree with what is happening, and I don't feel like getting into a fight about it on FB.  So please, after reading this post, if we are friends on FB, don't address it there.  But now that the deadline for action is here, I feel like I need to let you guys know what's going on.

Early last summer I was served with papers suing for custody of Aidan.  For those of you who don't know what that is, I'll explain it a bit.  Ten years ago, when Aidan was two, he was dumped on my mother by my younger brother, who couldn't deal with him.  Before that, Aidan's mother had dumped him on my brother, as she was getting fed up with being a young, single mother.  In the beginning I took him for long weekends, to give my mom a break.  Shortly after, she started going through a divorce, and I agreed to take him full time.  I wish I had truly understood what I was getting myself in for, but even if I had, I would have made the same decision.  Taking him into my life was the best thing I have ever done with my life.  I have loved him, raised him, and cherished every moment of the last ten years.

Early last year, I started to hear rumors of the mother wanting him back.  It wasn't the first time I had heard it, and nothing ever came of it in the past.  I brushed it off, and chose to worry about it, if an when it ever became an issue.  In the summer, it became as issue.  In the last ten years, she has remarried and has two other children with her husband.  They decided, without ever contacting me, to sue for full custody of him.  Because neither her or my brother were willing to give up parental rights, I was never able to adopt Aidan.  I have only had "temporary" custody of him this entire time.  My lawyer put up a valiant fight, and I owe her more than I can ever repay, but early this year, I finally lost.  It was decide that living with his married, biological mother was a better for him, than living with his single, gay uncle.

I could drag it out in the courts even more, but I know the end result will stay the same, and Aidan will only be hurt even more.  It was agreed that he would finish the school year out here, and that within a week, I would have him on a plane to North Dakota, and his new family. He was required to spend Spring Break with them, so at least it will not be a complete shock to the system for him.  For now I'm going to be allowed one phone call a month, and any visitation will be negotiated after the first year.

I'm not going to go into all the pain that both of us, and those in our lives, have been dealing with over the last few months, but I'm sure it's worse than you can ever imagine.  There has been a lot of anger on his part, and lately excitement for something new.  I think he finally understand that this has nothing to do with me not wanting him anymore, that if I had my way, he would be under my roof for as long as he wanted to be there, even if he was 60 before he wanted to move out.

Tomorrow is the day I've been dreading, I have to have him at the airport by 9:30 in the morning.  Within an hour after that, I will not be able to see him for at least a year, and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with that.  I have to figure out what my life means now that I'm not a single father, and I have no idea on where to start.  I have to live my life without him in it for now, and it scares the hell out of me.  I always had it in the back of my mind that this day could come, I just never thought it really would.